May/Jun 2005

A President's Son: The Life, Death and Rebirth of Michael Reagan

By Robert Liparudo

David killed Goliath with a stone, guided by the hand of God, For Michael Reagan, Goliath was the soul killing memory of being molested by a man he trusted. Here, he talks to New Man about slaying the giants of the past ... and finding identity in the family of God.

Just imagine for a moment: Your mom is an Academy Award-winning actress--say, someone like Nicole Kidman; your dad is also a movie star ... then the governor of California (Arnold, maybe?) ... then the president of the United States. They hang out with other stars, travel the world, own fancy homes and cars, grace the covers of magazines. And you're there for the ride. Great, huh?

Not if you're Michael Reagan, who doesn't have to imagine. As the son of Jane Wyman and Ronald Reagan, he lived in a world of glamour and power--and spent most of his life wishing desperately to be somewhere else, to be someone else. Today, he's got it together. He's a happily married husband and father, star of his own nationally syndicated talk-radio program with a daily audience of 5 million, and, most important, a committed Christian. But until 1985, he was a mess: destructive, self-destructive, miserable.

With apologies to the Mommy Dearest voyeurs out there, Reagan doesn't blame his parents. Not really. In fact, back when his father was president, a publisher offered Michael $2 million to write a nasty tell-all about his family. He was all set to do it, too. He hired a co-writer and started the process of fabricating the tortures and neglect that made his life so awful.

"Then I realized I couldn't do it," he says. "I couldn't lie about them. It was time to face the truth. I broke down and wept 35 years of pent-up tears."

Sometimes life feels like a bout with Evander Holyfield. When you're a kid, the blows can be emotionally fatal. In 1948, when Michael was 3, Ron Reagan and Jane Wyman divorced. Michael stayed with his mother, but ached for his dad's attention, which came as infrequently as rain on the Mojave.

A few years later, he learned from his older sister, Maureen, that he was adopted. At 7, a schoolmate told him that the word for adopted children was "bastard," and in Deuteronomy 23:2, Michael found these words: "A bastard shall not enter into the congregation of the Lord" (KJV). In his child's mind, he knew he would never make it to heaven; he was destined for eternity in hell. He was afraid to consult his parents, fearing this truth would dawn on them as well and they would give him away, as his birth mother had.

The knockout punch came a year later. An after-school day camp counselor named Don Havlik, charming and fatherly, brutally molested Michael and took pornographic pictures of him. The molestation continued for a year, but, Michael says, "It doesn't matter if it happens once or over many years, it's the first time that crushes your soul."

Early on, Michael's molester brought him to his apartment and into a makeshift darkroom. He stood behind the boy and showed him how to develop a picture. The image that appeared under the developing fluid was of Michael, nude. Havlik placed his hand on the boy's shoulder and told him, "Wouldn't your mother like to have a copy of this picture?"

"At that moment, I died inside," he says. "Not only had I done something evil, but it had been photographed. God had to hate me now, I thought. And my mother would too if she ever saw the photograph."

He could not tell his parents what was happening. "Every molested child takes on the full blame," he says. "Molesters are skilled at making the child feel responsible. That's why so many keep quiet."

Havlik was eventually caught molesting other children and sent to jail, but for Michael, the damage was done. The secret of his abuse festered inside, turning him bitter, angry and fearful. His rage took shape as harsh words to his family, as a boy who pounded a beloved bicycle to pieces, as a young man who did the same to a new car his mother had given him. At 14, he moved to his father's house.

"I was trying to spare my mother the pain of having me in her house if she ever found out what I had done," he says. "But all the move did was wound her deeply and make me more panicked that my dad would be hurt if the truth became known."

So ingrained was this dread that Michael hated his father's political campaigns. "I just knew that those pictures would come out and destroy his career," he says.

Another side effect of the abuse was doubting his own sexuality. He was abused by a man; did that make him homosexual? To fight such thoughts, he became promiscuous with girls at a young age. He would steal money from his father's wallet and visit the seedy shops on Hollywood Boulevard. Eventually, he lost his virginity to a prostitute.

"One of the great regrets of my life," he says now. "I didn't even know her name."

Michael used his rage to sabotage every relationship he ever had--with his parents, his stepmother, Nancy, friends and mentors who took him under their wing.

At 29, he was deeply in debt, had no car and no job (although he had started a boat-selling business, he had made no sales). That's when he met Colleen Sterns, a pretty Christian woman who somehow tolerated his self-loathing, his mood swings and his tantrums.

"Whenever I flew into a rage," he says, "she would sit down and read the Bible. I thought: 'How dare you? Here I am, mad at God, and you're reading the Bible!'" Even so, "God had plans for me I knew nothing about," and the two wed after a yearlong courtship.

Michael's bitterness came to a head when their son, Cameron, turned 7--"About the age I was molested," he says. "I stopped seeing him and saw me. I yelled and screamed at him all the time for no reason. Colleen came to me and said: 'What are you doing? You go to church because I go to church, but you don't know Jesus. Michael, you need Jesus.' I fell to my knees, tears streamed down my face, and I prayed for forgiveness. Right after that, I was baptized in our church."

It took another two years for him to divulge his darkest secret. Faced with writing a book he knew would be lies, he realized that he had been lying to himself as well: It wasn't his parents who had made him so unhappy, or God, or all the other people he had used as scapegoats through the years. It was the molestation and the fear of discovery. Yet even as a 42-year-old--34 years after a monster had abused him--he was absolutely sure that his wife would not accept his "crime" and that she would leave him in disgust.

"That's how deep the wounds of sexual abuse go," he says.

Still, he told her--every detail, every injury. To his shock, she hugged him, said: "I love you. You didn't do anything wrong."

"She knew the story and loved me anyway!" he says, even now his voice cracking with emotion. "That meant God could love me, too. And my parents."

[An interesting footnote: The apartment of Michael's molester was decorated in shades of green. For decades after the molestation, he hated that color, refusing to wear it or even look at it, if possible. But when he dragged the secret into the light by telling his wife and, with his parents' blessings, the world in his 1988 best seller, On the Outside Looking InÑgreen instantly became one of his favorite colors.]

As Michael Reagan tells the most heart-wrenching parts of his story, his voice develops an edge, his words come a little quicker. Could his molestation still have a grip on him, revealed in tones of frustration or anger?

"Not at all," he says. "I've set that pain at the foot of the cross. It's gone. What you hear is, perhaps, my sense of urgency and concern for others who are in harm's way. Even though I'll never be completely healed until I'm in heaven, the molestation doesn't rule my life like it did for so many years. Now it's my turn to reach back with a helping hand."

He believes our society is ripe for an epidemic of child sexual abuse if it's not already happening.

"What contributed to my abuse," he says, "were parents who were very, very busy. My mother was working, so I had to go to the day camp where I met the man who molested me. My father had left, so he wasn't there to see me every day, to talk to me about problems and tell me he loved me. Don Havlik had time with me alone, and he had a kid starving for affection. That's the ideal setup for pedophiles."

He adds: "Back then, it was the more affluent families whose parents both worked, who were more likely to divorce, who could afford after-school care for their children. Who are the ones doing that now? Mostly, the middle class. Parents working, divorcing, depending on others to watch their kids. On top of that, kids are bombarded with sexual messages on TV and in magazines. I think a pedophile would find it easier to approach a child now than back then."

Reagan says the solution is multitiered: Parents need to educate their children about "bad touching" and the schemes of molesters, and they need to guard their innocence from the lewd language and images of our pop culture.

"More than anything," he explains, "children need to know their parents love them, no matter what. Don't give your children any reason to think a molester can offer something they're not getting at home love or attention. If that means you have to work harder to keep your marriage together, then that's what you do. If it means spending more time on the playground than on the golf course or in the office, then that's what you do. I know that's easier said than done, but believe me, it's easier than a child getting over being molested. A lot easier."

From his radio talk show, syndicated newspaper columns and frequent guest spots on FOX News, you'd think the only thing on Michael Reagan's mind is politics. Indeed, most conservative thinkers laud him for his levelheaded defense of traditional values (he is pro-life, pro-military and pro-traditional family). However, he says: "Getting the word out about my ordeal and trying to prevent it from happening to other children is where my heart is. Its why God brought me through it, to tell others."

Twice Adopted is Michael Reagan's latest book. While the insights into the private life of Ronald Reagan are at times fascinating, it's Michael's story of being molested as a child, how that event turned his life inside-out and his long struggle back to wholeness that dominates the book, and makes it essential reading for parents and people who work with children. With straightforward writing and continuous reminders of his ultimate triumph, Michael manages to keep the bleak topic from being depressing.

Reagan says he did not need to research the effects of divorce or molestation he's lived it. "I was the photo of child pornography," he says. "What you get in this book is the devastation of child sexual abuse through the eyes of a child. I remember it vividly, and sometimes what I was thinking is not at all what adults would have thought or what adults think a child would think." The result is a heartbreaking account that is not sappy or contrived.

More than an autobiography, Twice Adopted offers concise suggestions for talking to children about sexual predators, helping them cope morally in a sexually charged society, spotting signs of abuse, and defending yourself against the temptations of pornography and sexual sin.

As dark as his story is, he is optimistic that we, as a society, will wake up to the dangers our children face. Ask him and he might show you the rock he carries in his pants pocket a souvenir from a men's conference led by Pastor Jack Hayford.

"The stone of David," Michael calls it. "David killed Goliath with a stone, guided by the hand of God. My Goliath is the memory of being molested, the guilt and shame I felt. And we all face big, scary giants. But, you know something? Goliath is no match for God.

How to Protect Your Kids From Sexual Predators

1. Be aware. Know where your children are and whom they are with at all times. Most victims are molested by someone you and your children know and trust.
2. Be watchful. Look out for adults or teenagers who pay an unusual amount of attention to your children, spend large amounts of time with your child, or give gifts to your child.
3. Check everyone. Including baby sitters, neighbors, relatives, youth leaders, teachers and coaches.
4. Talk to your children. Make sure your children know how to recognize inappropriate touching if it happens to them, and make sure they know what to do.
5. Teach your children to be careful on the Internet. Don't assume for a moment that your kids are safe online. Make them aware of the dangers.

Robert Liparulo is the author of Comes a Horseman (WestBow), an international thriller about an ancient secret behind a series of grisly murders. The novel hits bookstores in October 2005. Learn more at westbowpress.com.