New Man eMagazine

Stop Talking About My Wife!

By Douglas Weiss, Ph.D.

The devil wants you to believe that you are missing out on something better than your spouse.

I remember driving home from work more than 10 years ago when, all of a sudden, a stream of thoughts of what my wife wasn't came into my mind. The list was intense, long and really made me feel that I would never be truly happy.

Then I suddenly realized that these thoughts didn't represent how I really felt. More importantly, I realized that they were not even true!

I have heard many men repeat similar experiences. You're simply minding your own business when...wham! You just can't stop nitpicking your wife: her weight, her clothes, her lack of appreciation for who you are and all you do for her.

Friend, this is the devil and company talking about your wife. Revelation 12:10 says the devil "'is the accuser of our brethren'" (NAS). I think we know "brethren" includes all Christians, men and women.

The devil wants you to believe that you are missing out on something: You were young when you chose her; you didn't really know what you wanted; you thought you were going to be adored every day of your life and that sex was going to be overflowing to your utmost imagination; and, now, here you are missing out on life all because of this woman.

The truth of the matter is that most of us don't deserve the wives we have. We are fallen creatures who constantly sin and, really, it's a miracle that our wives love us at all.

The devil doesn't stop here. If you keep listening to him, the voice of entitlement will creep in: You're entitled to happiness; you're entitled to a cleaner house, more adoration and more sex.

The devil is trying to discourage you from rejoicing in what you have been graciously given by God the Father: His daughter, your wife.

Now you have a decision to make. If you give your ears to this garbage too long it can seep into your heart. You will begin to look at your wife through the eyes of the enemy. You become more frustrated with her, more irritable. You start spending less time with her, ignoring her needs or requests.

Next, you begin speaking harshly toward her and become more demanding about the house cleaning (Are those your socks on the floor?), her weight (Can you pinch an inch?) or about sex (Can you even spell the word "romance"?).

The ultimate result of listening to the devil talk about your wife is that you begin to withhold from her spiritually and emotionally. He knows this creates pain and will eventually cause you to drift apart. This also is fertile ground for men to feel entitled to lust after other women or to indulge in pornography and inappropriate relationships.

Stop this thinking now! Say: "I don't want this in my future! I love my wife and kids. I want to be a blessing to my future generations."

Anytime that an accusation comes to your mind about your spouse, attack it. You can memorize a few Bible verses such as Philippians 4:8, which encourages us to think on good things; or 2 Corinthians 10:5, "taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ"; or 1 Corinthians 13, the great chapter about love.

You can also rebuke the devil and he will flee (see James 4:7). Those thoughts and accusations against your wife are your enemy. Don't coddle them. They are toxic.

There are some other practical things you can do to win this battle. Memorize a list of five great characteristics about your wife such as: (1) She is absolutely gorgeous; (2) She will never be unfaithful; (3) The best sex of my life has only been with her; (4) She is the greatest mom; and (5) She is God's inheritance for me.

Next thing, start praising God for your wife. Break out in spontaneous gratitude toward God for your wife: "Thank You, Lord, that You made this woman just for me. Thank You for her eyes, her character, her beauty, her intelligence, for her endurance of me and her love for You."

Try this, and you will notice that it will actually make you feel closer to your wife. If you are regularly praying with your wife, sharing your heart, praising her and keeping your word, she is probably going to look better to you every day.

Douglas Weiss, is a licensed professional counselor and author of Intimacy: A 100-Day Guide to Lasting Relationships. Buy it at charismahouse.com.