Why Risk Virtue for Virtual?

The online draw is strong, but don't trade virtue for virtual.

Answer: There are both temptations and dangers in the world of MySpace, especially when you're dealing with people you don't know. First, you may be tempted to throw away countless hours of your real life to be a voyeur of other people's lives.

Second—and this may be relevant to you or your family members—in my field it is widely known that predators go to MySpace looking for young, naive people. I guess they figure that if people have time to do all this, they might be seeking attention.

Third, MySpace creates a very unique temptation for participants. It asks you to provide an image of yourself. However, neither you nor others can be known, in a relational context, online.

Remember, even the Internet is God's space. He is absolutely watching and so are the angels assigned to you. My advice would be to stick with your real friends and get involved actively in ministry if you're getting caught up in the virtual life.

Question: My wife doesn't have a lot of confidence in the bedroom. What can I do to help her?

Answer: Gaining confidence in your sexual life is much like gaining confidence in a new job. When you start your new job, you are on the proverbial learning curve. After time, when you learn from your mistakes and successes, you get confident. After more time, you get creative.

If your boss is always criticizing you, saying things like, "You didn't do this right," you will lose the motivation to get better, and you might lose heart or actually quit the job.

Many wives are treated the same way. They are not built up, and they can't become confident. Their husbands are like the negative boss.

You want to tell your wife what she is doing right in the bedroom. You want to tell her how great she is so she can become confident and then creative.

I'll never forget this piece of advice I got from a pastor right before I was getting married. He said: "Tell her every meal is great; that way she will want to keep cooking."

Question: I'm starting to worry about when to have "the talk" with my son. I want to do it before he finds out somewhere else, but I don't know if he's old enough. When is the best age to talk to him about sex?

Answer: This is a great question. The age of adolescence is definitely moving downward, so you can't assume that your son will reach puberty when you did. Generally, subtract about two years from the age you hit adolescence to figure out when he will.

You can also apply another rule of thumb that can sometimes be a little too obvious. When your son starts to smell, literally smell, it is time. When the body odor kicks in, it means he is getting the hormones he needs to start having his sexuality kick in.

Remember, as the dad you have the credibility and responsibility to talk to your son about sex. If you feel you need some help, I would recommend my DVD Shepherding Your Sons Sexually. You can do a better job than your dad did with you, and you can put your sons on the path to be sexually successful in a declining sexual world.

Also, I think it's very important as Christian men that we rid ourselves of a worldly idea of having "the talk." That type of talk usually means one very short conversation that is meant to give him guidance for the most powerful drive he will have to manage until the day he dies.

Instead of giving him just "the talk," get ready to have a season of discipleship with him. You will need to have regular sexual conversations to help him manage this amazing and powerful drive he has.

Imagine yourself as the first man in your family making it normal and healthy to sexually disciple a son. Imagine your great-grandson talking repeatedly to his son and disciplining him. God is looking for men who are willing to break the curse of sexual silence that is handed down from father to son.

Doug Weiss, Ph.D., is founder of Heart to Heart Counseling Center and author of The 7 Love Agreements, which explains the power of unity in marriage and outlines seven "love agreements" that will revitalize relationships (available at strangdirect.com). Contact him at drdoug weiss.com, or 5080 Mark Dabling Blvd., Colorado Springs, CO 80918, or info@drdougweiss.com.