By Mike Erre

Reality bites.

I never saw the movie that went by that title, but I agree with the concept. I have learned quite painfully that God, the universe, other people, traffic, disease, death, love, risk, pain and depression all refuse to bend to my will. Regardless of how much I try to negotiate, bargain, manipulate, plead or rage against them, they won’t budge.

And I suppose this simple truth is what fuels a bewildering and sometimes bizarre array of ways to escape reality.

If your marriage needs spicing up, we have online porn. If you are into sports, we have fantasy football, baseball, basketball and even golf (I didn’t believe it at first).

Bored or unhappy? Millions find solace in online gaming communities, adopting custom-designed avatars to present to the world. We have online dating (Hi, I’m Mike, and I’m young and skinny with a full head of hair), online gambling and countless other escapes from real life. Wherever reality falls short, fantasy promises a quick and painless escape.

Fantasy also exists in the church.

Instead of engaging in real discussions about the issues and concerns that confront men today, we accept a caricature of masculinity that bears little resemblance to the portraits in Scripture.

Instead of a flesh-and-blood Jesus, we get a meek and mild Mr. Rogers. Instead of drunken Noah, lying Abraham, manipulative Jacob, murderous Paul, ambitious John and competitive Peter, we meet a lineup of saints who always wore a napkin at the dinner table and never passed gas, grew fearful or complained about how rotten God had treated them. I love that the Bible is often uncomfortably honest about the people it portrays as saints.

In church we settle for the fantasy of masculinity rather than facing and addressing reality. If only we prayed more, led devotions for our families more or settled for a lower-paying job, we would have it figured out. If only we were more spiritual and less masculine. ... Churches propagate this subtle lie.
Men in the church often feel pressured to act more spiritually advanced than they are. Christian men are supposed to be magnificent husbands and spiritual leaders.

Kevin Leman observes: “Not only are men supposed to attend morning Bible studies, but they’re supposed to get home in time for dinner, spend time alone with each child, date their wives once a week, and earn enough money so that their wives can stay home with their young children. This is a heavy load, and some Christian men start to resent it.”

We know these demands are not always realistic, but that doesn’t stop us from striving to turn “reality as it is” into “reality as I want it to be.” I think the Bible calls men to the reverse. The call for men to be strong and courageous is a challenge to engage reality as it is, not as one wants it to be.

Courage is staying faithful to my wife as she is, not as I wish her to be; doing my job well as it is, even if it is not what I wish it to be; loving my friends, my parents, my kids all in the same way. To be courageous is to resist the sometimes-overwhelming temptation to escape, pretend and fantasize.

Don’t get me wrong; I’ve got nothing against the amusements of video technology or the Internet that allow us (in a healthy way) to blow off steam or distract ourselves for a few moments. But I wonder at the effect of it all. I used to think that daydreaming was just the providence of the young; now I am not so sure.

When It Hits the Fan
I am convinced that true masculine courage resists the temptation to avoid reality. Courage isn’t just storming the cockpit of an airplane on 9/11, stepping into a gladiator’s arena or charging into battle like William Wallace.

All of these are examples of courage, but they stem from the same source: the recognition that life (on whatever level) is out of whack. Real life recognizes that fact.

Courage acknowledges that the plane has been hijacked and is now headed in the wrong direction or that one must fight instead of living in peace and comfort. Courage recognizes that people get sick and die; our kids have minds and wills of their own; and our wives, moms and girlfriends are far from perfect. And most of all, so am I.

Courage embraces the real, even when reality isn’t comfortable or convenient. Stepping into this reality isn’t glorious or particularly memorable, but it separates the truly brave from the rest of us.

When I was younger, my struggle to find masculinity followed the images I saw in movies. I remember watching Black Hawk Down and having a crisis of masculine angst.

In the movie, two soldiers tucked away in the safety of a command chopper volunteer to go down to street level and protect a downed pilot against an overwhelming number of enemies. Their act is certain suicide, and yet with dignity, honor, courage and duty, these men step into that situation. Both are killed while the man they sought to protect is captured but survives the ordeal.

I left the theater wondering if I would have done the same thing. Would I, under such extreme circumstances, react the same way?

I would like to think that I would. Whether or not I really would is irrelevant to my point here. If some kind of glory was involved, I think I would put myself in harm’s way.

But for many of us our opportunities to be courageous don’t look that big and honorable. And that is my point. Biblical courage—true masculine courage—isn’t simply doing the glorious thing but also doing the ordinary, mundane, boring, decidedly inglorious stuff of life.

I want us to understand that courage isn’t only in the big accomplishments. It is in the small acts too, which is where the vast majority of men live, struggling with whether they are truly men.

The problem with looking to Hollywood for the image of true masculinity is that it feeds my desire for glory. But when I leave the theater and scratch the car door next to me when I’m getting into my car, my decision about whether or not to leave a note admitting my mistake isn’t glorious.

Nobody will notice what I decide. No one will make a movie about my choice. I can hide if I choose to. Decidedly inglorious, everyday situations like this determine and shape our courage, honor, duty and virtue.

Taken from: Why Guys Need God. Copyright © 2008 by Mike Erre. Published by Harvest House Publishers, Eugene, OR. Used by permission. Click here to buy the book.