Q: Based on your experience at counseling married couples, what are the top 10 things that seem to be most pleasing sexually to a woman that I could apply in my marriage?

A: Like most guys, you're looking for the magic button on your wife to make her want you. Many guys make this mistake. They think women are like men—that a certain touch or look will get them sexually crazed.

Sorry, but women are absolutely aroused by emotional proximity, not physical proximity. Although a back rub might get you the results occasionally, don't be fooled. She probably already wanted to have sex with you; she just wanted to get a back rub first.

Working your way into her heart is the shortest path to the bedroom. Here's a real top 10 list:

1. Put the kids to bed.
2. Do the laundry.
3. Say kind words.
4. Skip TV for a couple of days.
5. Don't finish her sentences.
6. Do at least two "honey dos."
7. Share a couple of your feelings.
8. Compliment her (and not so you can get sex).
9. Don't grope her; hold her hand.
10. Look in her eyes when she talks to you.

Q: My wife has gained weight since our marriage, and it affects me. It is difficult to talk about because she is sensitive about it. Do you have any advice?

A: You might not realize that the true problem is not your wife's weight. If you are still fantasizing about young women with hard bodies, you're reinforcing an image that your wife can't compete with. Or, if during sex your eyes are closed or, worse, you're thinking of other women, then your unrealistic expectations are the problem, not your wife's weight.

Try this: When making love to your wife, keep your eyes open. Even while you're having an orgasm, keep looking into her eyes. You will train your brain to connect to her spirit and soul, not just her body, during sex. Your issues with her body will reduce.

If you're concerned about her health, start going for walks together. If she has serious health problems, a caring doctor will be more heard than a loving husband.

Doug Weiss, Ph.D., is an internationally known therapist, author and speaker on marriage, recovery and men's issues. He is the founder of Heart to Heart Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, Colo. For more information, call 719-278-3708, contact info@drdougweiss.com, or visit drdougweiss.com.