Rick was angry with God. On a dark, cold night, he stood in the middle of a soccer field, shouting at the low clouds hiding the stars.

 

“God, why don’t you help me? How long do I have to wait?”

 

Rick had just learned that Christy, his closest friend since the beginning of college, was going on a date Friday night. She usually spent time with him on Friday nights. They both liked jazz and they would search the city until they found the place with the best music. After that, they would go to a diner and talk for the rest of the night. He didn’t see her much during the week because classes and jobs kept them both busy. He’d come to cherish the time they shared every Friday night.

 

Now it was gone. Some other guy would be with her this Friday night. When Christy told him the guy was taking her to a jazz club, Rick thought he might puke.

 

Of course he had a crush on her. He assumed that she knew. How could she not know? He’d given up every Friday night in recent memory to spend time with her. She had long brown hair, shocking blue eyes, and more in common with him than any woman he’d met. Most important, she had a heart for God. She was exactly the kind of woman he wanted as a girlfriend. In fact, he was pretty sure he was in love with her.

 

He’d never made his feelings known because he didn’t think she liked him “in that way.” She’d never expressed anything beyond friendship, and he was afraid of losing her if he revealed his true feelings. He knew he wouldn’t be able to stand it if she rejected him, so he decided to wait. If they were meant to be together, God would give him a sign. So far, there’d been no writing on the wall.

 

When she told him that she was going on a date, Rick panicked. He held it together as she told him about it over the phone but darted out to the soccer field as soon as he hung up. He didn’t want his roommate to see him freak out. Now, he was standing in the soccer field, crying and begging God to tell him what to do. But God was silent.

 

Rick gave up, went back to his room, and collapsed on the bed. His roommate Brian walked in and saw that his friend was in pain.

 

“What’s wrong, man?” Brian asked.

“Christy. She’s going out on a date tomorrow night instead of hanging out with me.”

“I’m not surprised,” Brian said.

“What?” said Rick, jumping up from the bed. “How can you say that? I’m dying over here, and you’re making fun of me.”

“Not at all,” Brian said. “I’m just surprised she didn’t give up on you sooner. You guys have been hanging out since freshman year, and you still haven’t told her how you feel. I’d expect her to move on by now.”

“But God hasn’t given me a sign that we should be together.”

 

Brian started laughing but stopped that when he saw the frenzied look in Rick’s eyes. Brian hurried to explain himself before Rick socked him.

 

“You’re trying God’s patience. You want a sign? How about hanging out with the same person every Friday for three years? How about getting along with a woman so well that you don’t even think of asking anyone else out? How about the fact that she’s so pretty that you blush when she looks at you? Do you need God to talk to you from a whirlwind or set something on fire before you’re sure?”

“What should I do?” Rick asked.

“That’s an easy one. Tell her how you feel.”

“But what if she doesn’t feel the same way?”

“That’s a risk you have to take. If you don’t, she’s going out with someone else tomorrow night.”

 

Rick’s face softened, and tears came to his eyes. “Every girl I asked out in high school turned me down. I couldn’t even get a date to prom. It made me give up on dating. I couldn’t handle that kind of rejection from Christy. I love her too much.”

 

“If you really love her, she deserves courage from you. Is she worth taking a risk for?”

Rick thought for a minute and said, “Yeah. Absolutely.”

“The women’s dorm closes at midnight,” Brian said. “That gives you 10 minutes.”

 

Brian had never seen Rick move so fast. He burst out the door and sprinted across the quad toward Christy’s dorm. He was out of breath by the time he got to her room. He pounded on the door, and Christy opened, thinking the building was on fire. She looked at Rick with wide-eyed surprise.

 

“What’s the matter?” she asked.

“I love you,” he said. “I’m sorry I never told you before. I was scared. But I have to tell you now, before you go out with somebody else.”

 

Christy’s mouth dropped open, and her eyebrows shot up. She went almost a minute without saying anything. Rick was fairly sure he would pass out if she didn’t speak soon. Finally, she sighed and shook her head.

 

“It took you long enough,” she said. “Another guy had to ask me out before you’d tell me?”

“I’m so sorry.”

“You’ve wasted a lot of time,” Christy said.

“You’re right. I wish I’d said something sooner. I think we need to talk.”

“I can’t talk right now.”

Rick started to panic again. “Why not?”

“Because I have to make a phone call. I need to cancel a date for Friday night.”

 

Rick’s story had a happy ending, but not every guy’s does. When a guy is attracted to a woman, he often doesn’t know what to do. Some men, like Rick, wait for a sign. Other men don’t wait for any signs from God or the woman, and plunge in without thinking. Either way, a lot of guys panic when they meet the woman of their dreams.

 

So, you want a girlfriend. Not only that, you want a Christian girlfriend. However you define it—Protestant, Catholic, evangelical, born-again, Spirit-filled, consecrated, sister in Christ, whatever—you only see yourself with a woman who shares your love for God. Good for you. In fact, if that’s not important to you, stop reading now.

 

Still here? Good, because I’ve got a secret for you, one that I’ll wager no one has told you: You’ve got your work cut out for you, pal. Dating is harder for Christian men.

 

You might think it’s because of sexual purity issues, but it’s not just that. The whole courtship process is more complicated. Questions about morality, theology, worship, intimacy and God’s will get involved. Relationships are hard enough for men who don’t care about this kind of stuff. Dating is twice as complicated for Christians.

 

Also, non-Christian guys don’t care as much about a woman’s relationship with God. Seeking a Christian girlfriend shrinks the field of available women. Most of the women you meet won’t share your faith. Finding a perfect match is tough enough, but the odds are even worse when you expect her to have a relationship with Christ. This results in a sense of urgency when a Christian man meets a woman he’d like to ask out. He meets a woman who defies the odds, and he panics. He finds the equivalent of a winning lottery ticket but doesn’t know how to cash it in.

 

Despite the odds against you, dating can become easier. Notice I said easier, not easy. Yes, there are couples for whom everything comes naturally. They have perfect communication, they’re happy all the time, and they knew they were destined to be with each other from the instant they met. These are the couples that make the rest of us nauseous. And they’re happy exceptions. Most of the time, dating requires hard work.

 

The toughest part begins long before you meet an interesting and attractive woman. First, you have to become a man. Next, you have to learn to relate to women like a man instead of a guy. After that, the rest isn’t quite easy, but it will feel more natural and genuine. The stakes won’t feel as high, and you’ll have more to offer the woman you ask out. But the best part is that your life will be more complete regardless of whether you’re dating or not. Better dating is only a byproduct of a process of growth that has many other benefits.

 

Adapted from What Women Wish You Knew About Dating: A Single Guy's Guide to Romantic Relationships by Stephen Simpson, copyright 2008.  Published by Baker Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group.  Used by permission.  All rights reserved.