As a guy, there's an emotional cycle that occurs when you are wronged by someone. You're angry, then sad, then angry some more, then disappointed, then really angry. To dismiss the emotions you experience when you feel betrayed only draws out the forgiveness process. As someone who has had to seek forgiveness for some stupid things in my life, I've learned firsthand that you have to start by forgiving yourself.

You can't walk around and allow your guilt or your past to define who you are now. Your  past is just a snapshot of your former self. It's a picture you may not want people to see of you, but it is not who you are today. 

The Bible says in Matthew 6:14-15: "If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins" (NLT). So, we need to learn to let go of what has been done to us. I believe that as Christians things don't happen to us but for us. Stuff happens in our lives so we can help other people when they go through the same drama.

Also, when you forgive someone, you are not saying that what he did was OK. You're saying: "I'm letting it go and will never pick it up because I can't live with that kind of anger for the rest of my life." Marriages fall apart every day because husbands and wives can't let go of past wrongs, no matter how little or big their issues are.

The Bible says that we should have no outstanding debt between us except the debt of loving one another. So in the same way that we forgive out of love, we should show grace too.

There is a difference between forgiveness and grace. Forgiveness is for something that has happened to you. Grace is for something that is currently happening to you . You might need to extend grace to a co-worker, family member, guy in traffic, or even to your spouse. 

The reason we show grace is because there will be time when we will need someone to show us grace—even when we don't deserve it—and your attitude can set the tone and maybe change that other person's mood for the day. We never know what kind of day, week or year someone is having, and to let him get the better of us and cause us to snap off at him is harsh. By honoring that person, you are showing honor to God and to yourself.

I remember after a full summer of traveling, my 8-year-old daughter came to me and said, "Daddy, you are so fun, but you are also so busy." Those words resonate in my mind every day without anyone's help, even my daughter's, to make me feel guilty.

I know I have four or five "jobs" that require my time, plus a few leisure things that add to my busyness. I'm realizing that if the devil can't make me bad, he'll make me busy. The result will be time away from my family.

My loved ones show me grace every day because they understand certain things are required of me. They know I'm working for them, so I make time each night and weekend and devote it to them.

My situation is no different from anyone else's. We all seem to battle being too busy. I've learned the hard way that I need to say no more often—and, trust me, I say it. However, I can't help but think about what kind of impression I'm leaving on my kids. If they see me as busy all the time, will they think that I was there for them when they look back on their childhood? I see that they want to stay busy in their little worlds already.

Men, as breadwinners and heads of our homes, we have certain responsibilities and expectations. My prayer for us all is that we do our best and that our best is more than good enough. None of the guys I know ever look back on their lives life and wish that they had worked more, mowed their lawns more or had more stuff to keep them busy. They all wish they had more time with their families. Allow grace and forgiveness in your life so that you can be free to enjoy your time with those you love the most and won't waste it on emotions that lock you up.

Ace McKay is the author of The Marriage Playbook. He is a certified premarital counselor and is a professional broadcaster with Star 88.3 in Fort Wayne, Ind