One of the greatest stories of marital sacrifice and fidelity I've ever heard is the true story of Robertson McQuilkin and his wife, Muriel.

McQuilkin is a brilliant man and an inspiring Christian well known as a teacher and an expert on world evangelism. For 12 years, he started churches in Japan as a missionary, and for 22 more he served as seminary president at Columbia International University (formerly Columbia Bible College and Seminary) in Columbia, South Carolina.

But since 1990, his official biographical sketch has read like this: "Robertson McQuilkin is a homemaker, conference speaker and writer."

Homemaker? This influential voice in Christian study and scholarship? A homemaker? That's because McQuilkin's wife, Muriel, began suffering the telltale signs of Alzheimer's disease just over a decade earlier. By 1990, she required full-time care, and he sacrificed his educational career for his companion. His life went on like this, year after year, menial task after menial task, caring for the woman he had kissed at an altar and with whom he shared a family of five children.

Muriel died on September 20, 2003, at the age of 81, but in Robertson's book written before her death, A Promise Kept (Tyndale, 1998), he recalls the experience this way: "Twenty summers ago, Muriel and I began our journey into the twilight. It's midnight now, at least for her. Sometimes I wonder when the dawn will break. Even the dread Alzheimer's disease isn't supposed to attack so early and torment so long. Yet, in her silent world, Muriel is so content, so lovable, I sometimes pray, 'Please, Lord, could you let me keep her a little while longer?' If Jesus took her home, how I would miss her gentle, sweet presence.

"Oh, yes, there are times when I get irritated," he continued, "but not often. And besides, I love to care for her. She's my best friend."

Most of us are not at the point in our lives where we're facing the same kind of hard decisions as Robertson McQuilkin. But I wonder--if we were--could we do what he did? Could we give up everything to care for our wives, if it came to that?

I believe my greatest accomplishment in life was getting Margaret to marry me. I don't say this just because there's an outside chance she might pick up a copy of this magazine and read it. I say it because I am certain any success in my life can be attributed to the success Margaret and I have had as a couple and as a family.

Our life together has convinced me that there is indeed a direct correlation between personal success and family success. There are several reasons for this:

Success in marriage gives us freedom. Many men who escape marriage in search of freedom not only fail to find it, but they also leave behind the only place God has designed for them to experience it.

No marriage is easy, but when we take the time to truly appreciate our wives, to enjoy being together and investing in one another's lives, our marriages grow the trust and respect that give us the freedom to be everything God has called us to be.

Success in marriage gives us release. I once heard someone joke that home is the place we go when we're tired of being nice to other people. Unfortunately, some homes and marriages seem to work that way.

But when the lines of communication are open between our wives and us, we are able to provide comfort and a listening ear for one another. No other friend can understand us as well.

Success in marriage gives us balance. With the speed our world travels today, we need more than a nap and a newspaper to help us unwind from the pressures of life. Many times, we get so wrapped up in what happens outside the home that we squeeze out the people who mean the most to us.

By making our work and our outside schedule wrap around our marriages and family priorities, we can keep everything else in proper perspective.

Yet I know, from the people I come in contact with and the findings I hear reported and preached about, far too many marriages today are in crisis.

There is no one reason to account for this. For every marriage that either comes to the brink of divorce or collapses over the edge, there are more than enough explanations to go around.

I don't mean to make marriage sound simple. I can't deny that there are trends and temptations constantly working against the keeping of our wedding vows. But after many years of marriage, I have seen God bless and honor steps like these that draw my wife and I together as man and wife.

Be free with your appreciation. Psychologist William James observed, "The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated." Each of us knows this. We men, in fact, are perhaps the most needy of all when it comes to feeding off others' support and acceptance.

We should always be looking for ways to express our thanks to our wives, or to congratulate them on an area of hard-fought growth and progress. We should remind our wives of the things that first attracted us to them and assure our wives--with specifics--why we are so glad to be married to them.

One reason this is a struggle for many men is because we don't understand how our wives are designed. We have this idea of how we want them to react or what we expect them to do. We don't understand, for example, why our wives don't do things the way our mothers did!

But our wives are unique and precious individuals, with certain ways of responding to difficulties or handling stress. By not being so quick to focus on the negative, and by deliberately choosing to love and appreciate our wives, we give them one of the greatest gifts we can offer--the blessing of our acceptance.

Spend time together. Every month, I spend several hours examining my travel schedule as well as the other projects I need to complete. But before I mark down any of those dates, I first write in all the family activities I need to make time for, and I schedule some one-on-one time with Margaret. If I don't, it won't happen.

We men are strategic about so many things in our lives. And it's not that I'm knocking spontaneity and impulse! But if we don't plan ahead to spend time with our wives, too many other things are out there, waiting to fill up every minute of our lives.

Deal with problems in a positive way. Misunderstandings and disagreements are inevitable in marriage. On top of these, life is filled with minor and major emergencies, unexpected conflicts and other forms of family interference.

Instead of dreamily wishing we could live without these, M. Scott Peck reminds us that "it is through the pain of confronting and resolving problems that we learn."

But by taking time to establish the ground rules of personal disagreements before they happen, and attacking the problem instead of one another, we can withstand the blows of distress and uncertainty--and come through them with an even stronger love for one another.

An article in The Dallas Morning News reported that the average couple, after being married for 10 years or more, spends only 37 minutes a week in meaningful conversation.

I could hardly believe it. Truth is, the average American wastes more than five times that much watching television every day! Being average is never a good thing, especially when it comes to this glaring statistic. We simply must make time to talk with our wives, not just pass them going out the door.

This requires a fair share of creativity. It means taking walks and meeting for lunch or coffee. It means looking our wives in the eyes when they're speaking, not allowing ourselves to be distracted and to only half-listen.

It means opening up with what we're really thinking, enjoying the honesty and intimacy of being transparent with one another. It means loving our wives enough to be interested in their opinions and ideas.

Love and Marriage
The most important thing you can do to strengthen your family is to love your wife. Or as my friend Josh McDowell says, "The greatest thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother."

I hope that neither Margaret nor I ever have to walk the same path as the McQuilkins. I pray that neither of us will ever lose the gift of memory or impose the responsibility for our most basic needs upon the other. But I promise my wife that I will be there for her if God requires it. And I know she would promise the same for me.

That's because we are friends, Margaret and I. We've enjoyed the opportunity to have a family together, to worship together, to pray together, to travel together. We've planned our lives around each other, laughed and shared more than our fair share of joys, and held tight when times were hard and we needed each other close.

I hope you have that kind of marriage. If not, I know you can. The love of a wife is one of God's most precious gifts to a man. And your love for her is worth whatever it costs.

By John C. Maxwell, author of The New York Times best-selling book The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, is the founder of INJOY, a firm specializing in developing leaders. To have him speak to your organization, visit maximumimpact.com/speakers, or call 877-225-3311.