That's why New Man asked Eric and Leslie Ludy, authors of Teaching True Love to a Sex-at-13 Generation, for some practical advice on how you can help protect your child's innocence:

 

New Man: What do fathers need to look for to find out whether or not their kids are having sex?

 

Leslie Ludy: I think it would be important to say to Christian parents that, a lot of times, there aren't obvious warnings. Today's kids are good at putting on "the act," going to youth group and acting spiritual on Sunday. I think parents are surprised at how entrenched their kids are in the culture. To send them on to youth group and not be involved in this area in their lives is a dangerous thing to do.

 

Eric Ludy: I would say it comes out as a certain attitude toward relationships in general. If they approach relationships with the selfish perspective, "How far can I go?" that's a danger sign. The healthy perspective is "God, how far can I go to please You, and bless and respect my future spouse?" You can only act from a selfless vantage point when you are motivated by Christ. When we have selfishness as a core motive, then it makes us extra vulnerable to the temptations of the culture.

 

New Man: Based on your research, approximately what percentage of Christian teens today are sexually active?

 

Leslie: A recent People magazine/NBC poll shows that by age 12, three out of 10 young adults are sexually active. A study in Ladies' Home Journal reported that 21 percent of ninth-graders have slept with four or more partners, and 55 percent of 13- to 19-year-olds admitted to engaging in oral sex. Over 50 teen girls interviewed for an Oprah Winfrey broadcast on the secret sex lives of teens--many as young as 11 or 12 years old--confessed to regularly participating in casual sex, orgies, oral sex and anal sex.

 

Are Christian teens different? Sadly, in our work with the younger generation, Eric and I have found that the answer is often no. A recent study published in the Journal of Adolescent Health found that teens pledging virginity until marriage are more likely to have oral and anal sex than other teens who have not had intercourse. Among virgins, boys who have pledged abstinence were four times more likely to have had anal sex, according to the study. Overall, pledgers were six times more likely to have oral sex than teens who have remained abstinent but not as part of a pledge.

 

New Man: What are some of the common mistakes parents make in this area, and what can they do to avoid them altogether?

 

Leslie: It's very easy for parents to emphasize abstinence as a rule. That leads to "how far is too far?" as opposed to giving kids a vision of how beautiful it can be. Set your entire life aside for that one person God has for you someday--heart, mind, body. What we need to do is realize that God doesn't want to imitate the world's way. Don't make it into a line that you're not supposed to cross. Maybe they have a commitment to abstinence, but they're having oral sex. Parents need to emphasize what purity really means as opposed to this technical thing of not having sex before marriage.

 

The second mistake that a lot of parents make is that if they themselves have not had success in their relationships, they project that onto their kids. Saying things like, "Oh, just wait until the honeymoon's over." Making negative comments based on past experience generates negative thoughts about the experience.

 

New Man: What responsibility does the father have in this process?

 

Eric: To protect my home environment and to prepare that sanctuary for my child. I know the world around them will contradict that. I want to model that with my life. I am training them in the art of thinking God's way. I'm training them for God's nature. I'm preserving an environment for them to grow up in. I don't allow things to taint their innocence. It's a process of protecting and then releasing them. That's one of my primary job descriptions as a father.