When I’m Not Hearing From God

You know those amazing moments in your prayer life when you feel truly in fellowship with the Lord, almost like He’s sitting there with you? You feel the power of His presence, His love and His wisdom. Those are the joyous, wonderful moments in the Christian life, almost like you’re standing on the top of a mountain in communion with the Creator. It’s fantastic—except when it goes away.

The tough part about the Christian walk is that it’s not made up of one long spiritual party on the mountaintop. There are valleys in between those mountains, and they’re not fun. As of this writing, I happen to be in one of the valleys.

Everything seems a little bit harder. I’m still praying, but His voice isn’t coming to me with instant words of wisdom, love and encouragement. I’m still reading and studying, but the lessons don’t seem as powerful, enlightening or awe-inspiring. It’s tough. I feel alone, tired and more out of touch with God.

Why does this happen? Does it mean that my spiritual life is in the dumps? Have I not been doing enough, and now God is punishing me?

I used to think that way. If I wasn’t hearing God’s voice, I used to blame myself and try to force myself to pray more, or more fervently, until I could make myself feel closer to God. I bet you’ve tried that approach as well, since that’s how American men deal with all the other problems in our lives—by working harder. Of course, when it comes to our spiritual lives, it’s never that simple.

But one of the things I’ve learned from God’s Word and older, more mature men in my life is that God doesn’t stick you in spiritual valleys because He’s punishing you. He does it because He knows what’s best for you.

Our Father in heaven is the wisest father of all. He knows exactly what we need. If we need a spiritual epiphany, that’s what our Father will give us. If we need an arm around our shoulder, that’s what our Father will give us. If we need to figure something out for ourselves and toughen up, that’s what our Father will give us.

As Romans 5:3-4 says, “Suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope” (NIV). If you are in the middle of a valley like I am, know that God hasn’t left you alone. He’s giving you what you need. Have faith that, when this valley is behind you and you are back on the mountaintop, you will look behind you and realize exactly why God did what He did.

Tebow's Pro-Life Super Bowl Ad Takes Courage

Well, fellas, you've just been given another reason to watch the Super Bowl this year. If you haven't heard, Focus on the Family plans to air a pro-life ad featuring Tim Tebow during the big game. In it, the Heisman-winning quarterback and his mother, Pam, will share a personal story centered on the theme of "Celebrate Family, Celebrate Life."

Though the ad hasn't aired, the assumption is that it will center on the story surrounding Tebow's birth. When Pam was pregnant with Tim in 1987, she contracted a dangerous infection. She was working as a missionary in the Philippines, and her doctors there recommended an abortion. Pam refused. Now this story is to get 30 seconds of prime-time exposure.

When I first heard about the ad, my initial reaction was, "Uh-oh, that might turn some people off." See, as a Christian (and a Gators fan), I like that everybody likes Tebow. He's the rare public figure who everyone—from the talking heads on TV to the average Joe on the street—can agree is good. The only thing opposing college fans could criticize him for was being too good.

That might change after the ad. By taking a public stance on arguably the most controversial issue in America, Tebow is going to open himself up to a lot of criticism. Pro-choice groups are condemning the spot, calling on CBS to remove it from the Super Bowl XLIV programming.

Of course, nobody has seen the ad yet. But I'm guessing there's no way pro-choice viewers are going to enjoy it. And if they don't, they're certainly not going to feel the same way about Tebow after the ad as they did before it.

However, as much as I'd prefer for everybody to keep liking Tebow, I'm blown away by his courage to stand up for what he believes in. Though he's never been secretive about his view on abortion, he's now blatantly announcing his view to the world by appearing on an advocacy commercial.

In doing so, he's not just risking his current popularity, he's also risking his potential income. How many corporate sponsors will endorse an athlete who goes out of his way to support a controversial opinion?

But here's the thing: The goal of a Christian man's life isn't to be liked by everyone. Jesus certainly wasn't. As Christian men, we are called to stand up for what we believe, speak truth and defend those who can't defend themselves. Certainly we have to balance this truth with love, but trying to avoid controversy altogether is not in the bag. It's the coward's way out.

During an interview with reporters in Mobile, Ala., on Sunday Tebow said, "I know some people won't agree with it, but I think they can at least respect that I stand up for what I believe."

It worked for me. I have even more respect for Tebow than I had before. He knows he has a platform right now, and he doesn't know how long that platform is going to last, so he's using it to stand up for what he believes in.

I admire that.

What do you think?

Haiti Needs the Power of Giving

I've been reading through the Gospel of John for the last few months, and it's interesting to me just how often John quotes Jesus talking about giving to our neighbors. It's actually been quite convicting to me to realize just how much emphasis He placed not only on sharing His good news with others but also on caring for others.

I think sometimes we underestimate the power of giving. Of course, what's most important in the life of every person is that they accept Jesus and be made new; but nothing communicates Jesus' compassion to others more than our giving to those in need. We are God's agents in this world, and if we are not taking care of our brothers and sisters, how can they see God's love?

Right now we are seeing the greatest outpouring of giving in recent memory. The tragedy in Haiti is astounding. As of this writing, more than 70,000 people have died, and unfortunately that number is expected to rise significantly.

If you're looking for good Christian organizations that will provide both physical and spiritual relief for those suffering in Haiti, I've included a list below. Please give as much as you can. Also, stay tuned to New Man in the coming weeks for more on what Christians are doing in the devastated nation.

World Vision

Convoy of Hope

Samaritan's Purse

Global Aid Network

Click here for more contacts.

How Do You Pray?

One of the things I'm trying to do a better job with this year is making consistent time for prayer. I've always loved to pray. It's one of those experiences that makes the Lord so much more real in everyday life. When I can feel His presence and communicate with Him, my Christian walk becomes much more palpable, authentic and, frankly, easier.

I've always loved praying, but for some reason I've always struggled to find a daily time for it. I seem to find the time for Him either when I have the day off or when I really need His help. That's not the way to treat someone you love, much less the creator of the universe. "Yeah, God, I would talk today, but You don't understand how busy I am."

I'm sure that I'm not alone in this dilemma (or at least I hope I'm not). So I wanted to ask you, the fantastic New Man readers, for two things. First, how do you find the time to pray regularly? Second, what do you do when you are praying?

As to the second question, I've always found that the praise + thanksgiving + intercession + personal needs formula feels natural to me. I don't follow it every time—sometimes God takes me in different directions. But if I'm not "in the mood" to pray, this pattern works really well.

First, I try taking a few seconds of silence to calm my mind. Then I start to praise God. I praise Him for who He is, what He has created, and the amazing things He has done in my life.

This leads to thanksgiving. After acknowledging how good God is, I find that the things He has done for me (and in spite of me) always seem more amazing—and I want to thank Him for that.

Then I move to intercession, which is probably the most important part of my prayer time. Nothing will make you more loving to your neighbors than praying for them. Oswald Chambers once said, "Discernment is not a call to judgment, but to intercession." You really capture God's heart when you intercede for others.

Last comes prayer for my own life. This is crucial, because God wants me to bring my cares and concerns to Him. However, I'll say that they seem a whole lot different after I've been praying for others. Often by then, my own concerns don't feel like such a big deal.

So that's how I usually do it; but I love trying new things too. How do you pray? Do you have a certain technique or do you just let the Holy Spirit lead you. Also, how do you make time for regular prayer?

The Solution to Post-Christmas Blues

I hate taking down Christmas decorations. There's nothing more depressing than seeing your happy ornaments and twinkling lights go back into the boxes (or more frustrating than trying to figure out how you fit them in such tiny boxes to begin with). I always have a few sad moments when I realize this season I've been looking forward to for months is now over.

I love Christmas. I love seeing my family, hearing the messages at church, singing hymns, giving and receiving gifts, and enjoying a short break from regular life. That's why Jan. 2 comes as such a rude awakening. Everyone's going back to work and catching up on stuff they put off for the holidays. Plus, what do you have to look forward to? Two more months of winter and the tax season—that's what.

From that standpoint, this time of year stinks. But one thing God has been trying to teach me for several years now is to avoid putting too much stock in the "next big thing." Learning that lesson is hard to do because our culture is fueled by instant gratification and major events. Marketers and advertisers already are trying to get us to spend money for the Super Bowl and Valentine's Day. They're working to redirect our attention so we'll start looking forward to the next big thing.

In a relationship with Jesus Christ, though, the truly important stuff doesn't occur at the moment the next big thing arrives. Sure, we experience Christian events, rallies at churches and moments in our lives that we pinpoint as spiritual hallmarks. But as any experienced Christian knows, a life lived with Jesus is not about those big spiritual peaks; it's about how we walk through the valleys.

Jesus' process for transforming our lives involves changing us every day in small but meaningful ways. He develops passions in us; He develops good habits and routines; He develops love for others. That's why having such things as a regular quiet time and accountability partners are so effective, because they are steady and regular. They will have a much bigger influence on your spiritual life than the "next big thing" that you might look forward to.

Since I don't have another big thing coming up in the near future, I'm looking forward to improving my everyday walk with God at the beginning of this year. I need to take this time to develop routines and a consistent focus on the Lord that will carry me through the rest of the year. With God's help, my everyday life will become full of satisfaction in Him so I won't be as let down when the next big thing comes and goes.

2nd Annual Reader's Issue

Guys, welcome to the second annual Reader-Contributor Issue of New Man eMagazine. It's been almost two years since New Man switched from a print magazine to an online publication. There are certain things I miss about the print version, but there's also a lot I enjoy about the new format.

First and foremost is the way an online publication gives me the chance to feel closer to readers. Things such as e-mailing and posting comments have opened up new lines of communication between editors and readers, which I see as one of the best things about the new online-journalism world. Yes—even when my columns get ripped apart in the Comments section.

The other thing this new format has fostered is an increased capability for readers to take the next step and become contributors. Maybe you've seen our ad in the corner of each issue offering you a chance to write for New Man. That's something we take seriously. We regularly run stories from guys like you who feel they have something to share with the other Christian men out there.

It's really a blessing to receive thoughts and articles from you guys who read the eMagazine. My own life as a Christian man has been relatively short compared with many of you out there, so I love hearing from those who are wiser than I am.

This issue is dedicated to articles from readers who had something to say and submitted their work. Jeff Fisher's "Four Jobs of an Accountability Partner" is a great, practical example of how to do a difficult job that we all know is of extreme importance. Jason Brooks' "Outstretched Hands" is a poignant, thoughtful piece on the parallels between his father in heaven and his own role as father of a 4-year-old. Daryl Barlow's "The Saul in You" takes the story of David, King Saul and Goliath and uses it to show us the real mentality we need for finding victory in life.

I hope you enjoy their writings as much as I did.

To all of you who have submitted writings to us in the past, I sincerely thank you. I'd also like to encourage any of you who are interested in writing for New Man to e-mail your work to us. We dutifully consider everything that's sent.

Have a great new year!

Our Last-Minute Gift-Buying Guide for Husbands

It's Dec. 17, so you know what that means. Time to figure out what your wife wants for Christmas! I've heard that some men out there have all their Christmas shopping finished before Thanksgiving. Personally, I believe that's a myth. I've never once met a man who didn't have to make one desperate, last-ditch run to the mall this week for at least a few gifts. My father believes in the "24-hour rule," which states that any gift purchased before Christmas Eve doesn't count.

In our never-ending effort to help you guys out, we offer you the New Man guide to last-minute Christmas shopping. These tips are brought to you by a man with years of experience as a procrastinator—so take advantage of them!

1. Don't buy from kiosks.

I know that it's scary to walk into the women's clothing stores, and I know that it is so much easier just to pick up one of the nice, shiny things on display at the kiosk right in front of you. Even though the nice woman selling the miracle cream from the Dead Sea is convincing, don't give in.

Women know when you get something from a kiosk, and it won't turn out well. One year former New Man editor Drew Dyck purchased a variety of his wife's gifts from the "As Seen on TV" kiosk, thinking they would be a surefire hit. They were an epic failure.

2. Develop your parking skills.

One key to a good last-minute Christmas shopping run is a good parking job. If possible, look for any side entrances, such as the garden areas at Walmart and Target. If there's no entrance there, and the parking lot is a zoo, you have to refine your "follow someone to their car" skills.

Rookies will pick anybody leaving the store and follow them, but experienced Christmas Eve shoppers know that some people take longer get in their cars than others. Never follow someone with kids, someone who looks over the age of 75 or the Herculean woman carrying 18 bags. It will take them so long to get in their cars that you'd be better off parking across the street. The best bet is to find another man like you who is half-running across the lot to get to his next location.

3. Buy chocolate, but not too much.

Chocolate is one of those go-to items every year for the man on a shopping trip. You can't go wrong unless your wife is one of the two women in the U.S. who don't like it. The key with chocolate is not buying too much. It's a delicate balance because every woman wants a little chocolate on Christmas day, but no woman wants to pigout. Plus, in my experience, there's a bigger advantage to buying better quality chocolate than a lot of it. I can't tell the difference between a Snickers bar and a fancy truffle, but my wife can.

4. When in doubt on clothing, go with the smaller size.

Clothing is a risky item to place on the Christmas list. As a gift, it can be a big hit or a dangerous mistake. First of all, it's a good bet never to go with a piece of clothing unless your wife specifically mentioned it beforehand or another woman who knows her recommended it to you. Anything else is a shot in the dark.

More important is finding the right size. Like Rule 3, there's a delicate balance between finding something that fits but also not making your spouse feel bad because you bought the wrong size. If you're stuck between two different sizes, always go with the smaller one. Is she a small or a medium? She's a small. Trust me.

5. Remember this: The smaller the box, the better the gift.

This is a counterintuitive rule for men who think exactly the opposite. To a man, bigger boxes are much more fun. After all, you can't fit a TV or a power tool in a box made for a sweater.

For women, the opposite is true. Smaller boxes tend to contain small, shiny things. If you're that guy staring vacantly at the mall directory this Christmas Eve, keep in mind that women like shiny things.

Of course, the best way to find the right gift is to know your wife. If you know what she likes, then you're going to find things she will love. If she likes to be pampered, get her a spa treatment. If she likes to go outdoors, get her something for that. If she likes nice dinners, go for a gift card and a reservation.

In my experience, it's not about how much you spend; it's about how much you thought about it and how well the gift matches her. Or how shiny it is.