Secret Sin
The revelation in November of Ted Haggard’s visiting a male prostitute in Denver sent shock waves through the church and gave late-night comedians new reasons to ridicule Christians as hypocrites.
If someone as high profile, articulate and seemingly “together” as Ted Haggard could fall, what about the rest of us?
Ted is my close friend and I grieve over his pain. I didn’t suspect his problem because it was secret sin. Like Ted, many of us keep our sins secret because we fear disclosure.
After all, look what disclosure meant to Ted—he lost everything that took a lifetime to build and hurt his wife, family, local church and the body of Christ.
The Bible says sin is pleasant for a season, but then destruction (see Heb. 11:25).
Thankfully, strong men such as pastors Jack Hayford and Tommy Barnett are coming around Ted and helping to restore him. That’s biblical (see Gal. 6:1).
And Ted is humbly trying to rebuild his life. In a personal e-mail to me, Ted wrote:
“I trust that God will take these ashes and turn them into a demonstration that God can, in fact, take me, the best-known sinner, and prove that Jesus, the body of Christ and the Word of God can work in powerful ways to put flesh and life on dried broken bones like mine.”
Ted admits he struggled with his secret sin all his adult life. How much better if he had gotten help years ago before his sin set him up to “fall.”
What secret sin is in your life? You may not have a public scandal like Ted, but when your sin is revealed it will hurt your family and those around you just as much. And it may damn your soul to hell.
This is a wake-up call. There is help available for you. Whether through prayer, counseling, ministry of deliverance or accountability, stop hiding your sin and bring it into the open where God can deal with it.
With resources and ideas at newmanmag.com we can help you deal with your secret sin before it deals you a lethal blow.
And all our prayers are with you, Pastor Ted, and anyone else struggling with a secret sin.
Stephen Strang is founder and publisher of New Man magazine.
Here are some ministries that I recommend:
Heart to Heart Counseling Center: Launched by author, speaker and licensed professional counselor Dr. Douglas Weiss, Heart to Heart Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, Colo., specializes in treating sexual sin. The executive director of the center, Weiss offers 3 Day Intensive sessions, and telephone counseling and telephone support groups for men as well as their wives who have been hurt by sexual sin. For more information, visit sexaddict.com or drdougweiss.com. Contact Heart to Heart Counseling Center at 719-278-3708 or heart2heart@xc.org.
Elijah House: Founded by authors, speakers and Christian counselors John and Paula Sandford, Elijah House is a Spokane Valley, Wash.-based prayer and counseling ministry that focuses on inner healing. Each year, many individuals and families come from around the world to Elijah House to be ministered to and to receive help for overcoming woundedness and sin. Elijah House also offers ministry to pastors, leaders, Christian counselors (professional and lay) and a variety of other professionals. For more information, visit elijahhouse.org or contact 509-321-1255 and eh.info@gmail.com.
Emerge Ministries: Emerge Ministries, a Christian counseling center in Akron, Ohio, specializes in helping ministers and missionary families. Started by author and professional psychologist Dr. Richard Dobbins, Emerge has been rebuilding lives and training clinicians and pastors for more than 30 years. For more information, visit emerge.org or drdobbins.com. Contact Emerge Ministries at 800-621-5207 or emerge@emerge.org. Contact Dr. Richard Dobbins at 330-865-1403.
Bethany World Prayer Center: Bethany World Prayer Center in Baton Rouge, La., offers a weekend retreat called the “Journey to the Cross” in which eight sessions are covered that relate to the root causes of bondage and deliverance. Larry Stockstill, senior pastor of the church, says more than 5,000 men and senior pastors have gone through the sessions, which leads participants to freedom in Christ and deliverance from sin. Click here for more information, or contact 225-774-1700.
Exodus International: Based in Orlando, Fla., Exodus International is a nonprofit organization that promotes the message of “freedom from homosexuality through the power of Jesus Christ” to both men and women in 17 countries. For more information, visit exodus.toor contact 888-264-0877.
Pure Life Ministries: Founded by Steve and Kathy Gallagher, Kentucky-based Pure Life Ministries helps lead Christians to victory over sexual sin and a deeper life in God by providing biblically based counseling, teaching materials and a public speaking ministry. For more information, visit purelifeministries.org. Contact Pure Life Ministries at 859-824-4444 or information@purelifeministries.org.
Stone Gate Resources: Stone Gate Resources points people away from sexual sin to restored intimacy with God and others. For the past 15 years, more than 2,000 people have come to the Colorado-based ministry for its Brief Intensive Counseling and Restoring Sexual Purity Workshops. For more information, visit stonegateresources.org. Contact Stone Gate Resources at 888-575-3030 or info@stonegateoffice.com.
Pure Intimacy: Pure Intimacy is a ministry of Focus on the Family that focuses on “recovering the heart of sexuality.” Pure Intimacy provides a free one-time counseling service from licensed Christian therapists, who are qualified to handle issues related to sex addiction, pornography, abuse, marital problems and matters involving children. For more information, visit pureintimacy.org or contact 719-531-3400 ext. 7700 weekdays.
Here are some books that offer help for overcoming sexual sin:
Sex, Men and God by Doug Weiss
Pursuing Sexual Wholeness: How Jesus Heals the Homosexual by Andrew Comiskey
Straight Up by Michael Stevens Sr.
Intimate & Unashamed by Scott Farhart
Teaching Your Children The Truth About Sex by Dr. Richard Dobbins
Intimacy by Doug Weiss
Healing Victims of Sexual Abuse by Paula Sandford
Why Some Christians Commit Adultery by John Sandford
Healing for a Woman's Emotions by Paula Sanford
When Good Men Are Tempted by Bill Perkins
Sexual Healing: A Biblical Guide to Finding Freedom from Sexual Sin and Brokenness by David Kyle Foster
False Intimacy: Understanding the Struggle of Sexual Addiction by Harry Schaumburg
Here are some encouraging articles from New Man that deal with sexual sin and addictions, restoration and being accountable:
Breaking the Seductive SilenceThis man told his wife about his secret struggle and saved his marriage.
Seven Steps to "Sex-cess"Live in a sex-charged culture, without getting zapped!
For Better, and for WorsePornography. Infidelity. Abuse. How can couples deal with the secret shame of the past and build a new future?
Real Biblical AccountabilityThough accountability has its limits, you need it if you want to grow into a man of integrity and maturity.
A Light in the ClosetFor Christian men fighting the everyday battle with same-sex attraction, changing is not the goal--knowing Christ is. And knowing Christ brings change.
Sex, Lies and Forgiveness
For Your Daughter's Sake
The Secret That Ruins Great Sex
15 Years of Freedom
Entertainment or Willful Voyeurism?
Is Deliverance the Key to Set You Free?
The Amputation Answer
Don't Be a Sucker for Seduction!No More Secrets
Solo Sex
The XXX Files
If someone as high profile, articulate and seemingly “together” as Ted Haggard could fall, what about the rest of us?
Ted is my close friend and I grieve over his pain. I didn’t suspect his problem because it was secret sin. Like Ted, many of us keep our sins secret because we fear disclosure.
After all, look what disclosure meant to Ted—he lost everything that took a lifetime to build and hurt his wife, family, local church and the body of Christ.
The Bible says sin is pleasant for a season, but then destruction (see Heb. 11:25).
Thankfully, strong men such as pastors Jack Hayford and Tommy Barnett are coming around Ted and helping to restore him. That’s biblical (see Gal. 6:1).
And Ted is humbly trying to rebuild his life. In a personal e-mail to me, Ted wrote:
“I trust that God will take these ashes and turn them into a demonstration that God can, in fact, take me, the best-known sinner, and prove that Jesus, the body of Christ and the Word of God can work in powerful ways to put flesh and life on dried broken bones like mine.”
Ted admits he struggled with his secret sin all his adult life. How much better if he had gotten help years ago before his sin set him up to “fall.”
What secret sin is in your life? You may not have a public scandal like Ted, but when your sin is revealed it will hurt your family and those around you just as much. And it may damn your soul to hell.
This is a wake-up call. There is help available for you. Whether through prayer, counseling, ministry of deliverance or accountability, stop hiding your sin and bring it into the open where God can deal with it.
With resources and ideas at newmanmag.com we can help you deal with your secret sin before it deals you a lethal blow.
And all our prayers are with you, Pastor Ted, and anyone else struggling with a secret sin.
Stephen Strang is founder and publisher of New Man magazine.
Here are some ministries that I recommend:
Heart to Heart Counseling Center: Launched by author, speaker and licensed professional counselor Dr. Douglas Weiss, Heart to Heart Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, Colo., specializes in treating sexual sin. The executive director of the center, Weiss offers 3 Day Intensive sessions, and telephone counseling and telephone support groups for men as well as their wives who have been hurt by sexual sin. For more information, visit sexaddict.com or drdougweiss.com. Contact Heart to Heart Counseling Center at 719-278-3708 or heart2heart@xc.org.
Elijah House: Founded by authors, speakers and Christian counselors John and Paula Sandford, Elijah House is a Spokane Valley, Wash.-based prayer and counseling ministry that focuses on inner healing. Each year, many individuals and families come from around the world to Elijah House to be ministered to and to receive help for overcoming woundedness and sin. Elijah House also offers ministry to pastors, leaders, Christian counselors (professional and lay) and a variety of other professionals. For more information, visit elijahhouse.org or contact 509-321-1255 and eh.info@gmail.com.
Emerge Ministries: Emerge Ministries, a Christian counseling center in Akron, Ohio, specializes in helping ministers and missionary families. Started by author and professional psychologist Dr. Richard Dobbins, Emerge has been rebuilding lives and training clinicians and pastors for more than 30 years. For more information, visit emerge.org or drdobbins.com. Contact Emerge Ministries at 800-621-5207 or emerge@emerge.org. Contact Dr. Richard Dobbins at 330-865-1403.
Bethany World Prayer Center: Bethany World Prayer Center in Baton Rouge, La., offers a weekend retreat called the “Journey to the Cross” in which eight sessions are covered that relate to the root causes of bondage and deliverance. Larry Stockstill, senior pastor of the church, says more than 5,000 men and senior pastors have gone through the sessions, which leads participants to freedom in Christ and deliverance from sin. Click here for more information, or contact 225-774-1700.
Exodus International: Based in Orlando, Fla., Exodus International is a nonprofit organization that promotes the message of “freedom from homosexuality through the power of Jesus Christ” to both men and women in 17 countries. For more information, visit exodus.toor contact 888-264-0877.
Pure Life Ministries: Founded by Steve and Kathy Gallagher, Kentucky-based Pure Life Ministries helps lead Christians to victory over sexual sin and a deeper life in God by providing biblically based counseling, teaching materials and a public speaking ministry. For more information, visit purelifeministries.org. Contact Pure Life Ministries at 859-824-4444 or information@purelifeministries.org.
Stone Gate Resources: Stone Gate Resources points people away from sexual sin to restored intimacy with God and others. For the past 15 years, more than 2,000 people have come to the Colorado-based ministry for its Brief Intensive Counseling and Restoring Sexual Purity Workshops. For more information, visit stonegateresources.org. Contact Stone Gate Resources at 888-575-3030 or info@stonegateoffice.com.
Pure Intimacy: Pure Intimacy is a ministry of Focus on the Family that focuses on “recovering the heart of sexuality.” Pure Intimacy provides a free one-time counseling service from licensed Christian therapists, who are qualified to handle issues related to sex addiction, pornography, abuse, marital problems and matters involving children. For more information, visit pureintimacy.org or contact 719-531-3400 ext. 7700 weekdays.
Here are some books that offer help for overcoming sexual sin:
Sex, Men and God by Doug Weiss
Pursuing Sexual Wholeness: How Jesus Heals the Homosexual by Andrew Comiskey
Straight Up by Michael Stevens Sr.
Intimate & Unashamed by Scott Farhart
Teaching Your Children The Truth About Sex by Dr. Richard Dobbins
Intimacy by Doug Weiss
Healing Victims of Sexual Abuse by Paula Sandford
Why Some Christians Commit Adultery by John Sandford
Healing for a Woman's Emotions by Paula Sanford
When Good Men Are Tempted by Bill Perkins
Sexual Healing: A Biblical Guide to Finding Freedom from Sexual Sin and Brokenness by David Kyle Foster
False Intimacy: Understanding the Struggle of Sexual Addiction by Harry Schaumburg
Here are some encouraging articles from New Man that deal with sexual sin and addictions, restoration and being accountable:
Breaking the Seductive SilenceThis man told his wife about his secret struggle and saved his marriage.
Seven Steps to "Sex-cess"Live in a sex-charged culture, without getting zapped!
For Better, and for WorsePornography. Infidelity. Abuse. How can couples deal with the secret shame of the past and build a new future?
Real Biblical AccountabilityThough accountability has its limits, you need it if you want to grow into a man of integrity and maturity.
A Light in the ClosetFor Christian men fighting the everyday battle with same-sex attraction, changing is not the goal--knowing Christ is. And knowing Christ brings change.
Sex, Lies and Forgiveness
For Your Daughter's Sake
The Secret That Ruins Great Sex
15 Years of Freedom
Entertainment or Willful Voyeurism?
Is Deliverance the Key to Set You Free?
The Amputation Answer
Don't Be a Sucker for Seduction!No More Secrets
Solo Sex
The XXX Files
posted by Matt Green at 10:55 AM
5 Comments:
www.settingcaptivesfree.org
Free online course that takes the student deep into scripture and helps them gain freedom through a consistent time in God's Word.
To God be the Glory, I have been set free after 30 years in bondage.
Stephen - As I read your Publisher's Page in the most recent issue of New Man, I was struck by the word 'disclosure'. In Pastor Ted's case, I'm sure he felt that 'disclosure' of his struggles would mean an end to life as he knew it, before he was 'found out'. Since I struggle in a very similar way, sharing this issue in Christian circles is just not 'acceptable', especially for a man of his position. I've shared my struggle and been divorced and basically 'put out' of my home church because of it. Most churches won't ban you from singing in the choir, serving on a board or committee, ushering or working with children because you used to be an alcoholic or drug abuser - those are almost acceptable addictions to have had or even currently struggle with. But tell another Christian that you struggle with homosexuality as a Christian man? I don't think so. Sure there are all kinds of para-church organizations to help people like Paster Ted and Me (I've been), but for me, it just doesn't last - it's not a permanent 'fix'. Maybe there is no 'permanent fix' to this kind of personal, private (secret) sin, I don't know. What I do know is it's an intensely lonely battle with very few Christian brothers willing to come alongside to help. My heart absolutely goes out to Pastor Ted and his family at this time. He, though, seems to have others around him to help rebuild his life as well as a committed wife. I wasn't so fortunate.
Cameron, you sound unashamed, unbowed by your disobedience to scripture with your bemoaning "facts" of other Christians not accepting you. My experience has been that that is the root cause of homosexuality--not being accepted as who you are. I don't know you, but your words in print show you are still looking to Man as your acceptor, and not God. Dude, get over it...homosexuality is totatally reprehensible. The greatest sin is against God's temple- the body, that is why he says sexual sin is worth running from!! You still need deliverance, brother, and you really need to see Jesus love you, not some other man or woman.
There is still one crucial peace of Ted Haggard tragedy that is till missing:
Where in the world was Nathan when Ted was living in sin?
When a guy can live like this for as long as he has without being exposed, there is something fundamentally and seriously wrong with the leadership of New Life Church and the NAE as well.
How do I know this? When David sinned, Nathan quickly confronted him in 2 Samuel 12:1-14. When I had a minor leader ship role, my secret sin was exposed in less than a week by someone who never met me before. If God was willing to expose a minion like me, Ted must have been way over due.
Steve, you call yourself a “close” friend? Huh? Ted was involved in drugs and you didn’t notice? I remember a time when I was not walking with God and I went bike riding with some of the guys of my church. I figured I was safe because I wasn’t really going to talk to any one, just put in a nice 20 mile ride with the guys. I wasn’t about to volunteer my struggles either because I was still on the run. When I got there and we were getting ready to ride, I started talking to one of the guys I had gotten to know. I wouldn’t call us close friends, but we hung out a bit together. After a few minutes of conversation, he just looked at me. I could see the disappointment on his face. I can’t not even begin to describe the shame I felt. Right there and then, I knew that he knew I wasn’t walking with God and there was no way I could hide it.
So I totally disagree with concept of "secret sin". When you are a leader of a truly godly church, there is no such thing as a “secret sin”. It may be a secret when you first do it, but God will quickly expose it and he won’t need to use a sexually disoriented pagan to do it.
My hope for Ted is that he hasn’t traded his birthright for a meal and that the remaining leaders of New Life Church and the NAE learn to listen to God.
I too suffered from sexual sin. I have been free from it for 5 weeks now. The thing you have to remember the most is you have to surrender everything to God and you have to turn away from it and fill your time you used to give to sin and give it to God. You can't do it for anyone except for God and yourself. You can't do it to please your wife, your church or anyone. I have a passion for helping men in this area and I know so many men struggle with it. As men we cannot let satan continue this grip on this addiction. You have to be honest and give it all to God. Only then can you truly be free. Don't hold back, don't hide anymore secrets. Secrets reside in the darkness and you must allow it to come to the light. I also am taking the Setting Captives Free course. It is awesome. I recommend it to anyone. I would be happy to help someone suffering and needing someone to talk to. Let me know.
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