Why Men Really Cheat

Recently I spoke to a friend who had been unfaithful to his wife. I was saddened by his sin and curious about what had led to his moral failure. Was it just hormones? Had some sultry temptress caused him to let down his guard?

While lust had certainly played a part, I realized as we talked that something else had driven him to break his marriage vows—something less dramatic, but just as powerful.

He was bored. Bored with work. Bored with marriage. Bored with life.

The conversation led me to wonder how many other men fall prey to sexual temptation for the same reason. Now don’t get me wrong. Plain old physical lust always plays a role in male infidelity. But I’m guessing that the average middle-aged man who cheats on his wife doesn’t do it because he’s a bubbling cauldron of testosterone. He was more virile in his twenties. Instead the sin results when lust works in tandem with unfulfilled desires and unrealized dreams.

Men cheat because of lust. But they also stray because they’re thirsty for a thrill, for adventure, for transcendence. Most long to escape their workaday lives of “quiet desperation.” A dalliance with a different woman offers the false promise of release from a life that has grown stale and dull. At the root of the desire is spiritual need. The great Christian writer G.K. Chesterton put it this way: “Every man who knocks on the door of a brothel is looking for God.”

So here’s the twist—and the tragedy. That deep-down desire for meaning—which I believe is holy and God-given—can lead a man to spiritual ruin. But there’s good news too. If we fulfill our deepest desires with the things of God, we will live lives of meaning and adventure. And when that inevitable sexual temptation slams into our lives, it will not be met with the knell of an empty soul.