Let's Stop Beating Up On Men!
I once heard a men's message that I would sub-title: "The 327 Things You Need To Do To Be A Good Christian." While I'm exaggerating, the underlying theme frightens me. I have heard several speakers and communicators with good hearts tell men in their messages about the many things they "ought" to be doing. For example, you "ought" to …
-have a weekly date night with your wife.
-carve out more time for your kids.
-cancel your Sports Illustrated subscription because of the swimsuit edition.
-spend a certain minimum amount of time with God every day.
-be in an accountability group.
-ask your pastor what more you can do to serve, and so on.
Each of these things sounds like a good idea. Indeed, they may even be a good application of biblical principles. Yet, they also illustrate an alarming trend in men's ministry that needs to be nipped in the bud.
The Wrong Approach
Too often, I'm afraid, we ask men to conform to our "Christian men's sub-culture" as a show of spirituality. "Use these buzzwords. Pray with this posture." When this happens, we can end up asking men to be "religious" at the expense of being spiritual.
Or, we ask them to perform certain activities to show their commitment to God. "If you love God you will be in church on Wednesday night." It's ironic because the more we try to influence "behavior" the less real lasting change we see. Such an approach will simply burden men down and wear them out. So how can we help men experience lasting change?
Jesus, Our Example
Jesus does not say, "Come unto me all you who are weary and I will give you more work to do." Instead, He offers rest to weary travelers.
We, too, should have the perspective of our Lord when we encounter hurting men. Let's stop being angry at men because they are not more spiritual. Consider how the Bible describes Jesus: The Great Physician, the Teacher, the Prince of Peace, the Lamb of God, the Bread of Life, the Good Shepherd, Living Water. Jesus is a healer and a physician. He wants to restore men. We should too.
Certainly, the Bible prescribes some things that we "ought" to do. And we should not hesitate to teach these to men. Yet, we must distinguish between "principle" and "application." Our "possible" applications of a Biblical principle must never be touted as "necessary," as things we "ought" to do.
Why Men Come
When men come to a prayer breakfast, conference, Bible study, or church, they come because they have an unmet need a "void" to be filled. They come looking for a piece of bread that will nourish their souls. They come thirsty for living water.
Rather than showing men a list of "do's" and "don'ts" we must show them Christ. Our job is not to "fix" their behavior. Our job is to make Christ ever more attractive so that He can do His life-transforming work in them. God's grace changes men, not some effort on their part to be good enough. When we help men connect with Jesus, He works the change in behavior from the inside out. He changes the desires of the man. We can only give a man a new rulebook. Jesus will give him a new heart.
Good Works
The gospel of Christ comes by grace, not works. I'm concerned that much of today's teaching appears to make a necessity out of certain behaviors where God does not.
One speaker is even reported to say, "No works, no Jesus." This is exactly backwards. We would do better to say, "No Jesus, no works." In other words, our works don't lead us to Christ. Rather, our love relationship with Christ leads us to do works as an expression of gratitude.
Let's never succumb to demanding "religious behavior" from men by giving them a list of things that "spiritual" men do. They could end up with an outward show of religion, but without an inward conversion of soul and spirit. They could end up performing a list of "activities" from their own strength rather than in dependence upon Christ. They could end up trying to be "good" enough based upon their own merit.
Business leader, author, and speaker, Patrick Morley helps men to think more deeply about their lives, to be reconciled with Christ, and to be equipped for a larger impact on the world. Visit his Web site, http://www.maninthemirror.org/
-have a weekly date night with your wife.
-carve out more time for your kids.
-cancel your Sports Illustrated subscription because of the swimsuit edition.
-spend a certain minimum amount of time with God every day.
-be in an accountability group.
-ask your pastor what more you can do to serve, and so on.
Each of these things sounds like a good idea. Indeed, they may even be a good application of biblical principles. Yet, they also illustrate an alarming trend in men's ministry that needs to be nipped in the bud.
The Wrong Approach
Too often, I'm afraid, we ask men to conform to our "Christian men's sub-culture" as a show of spirituality. "Use these buzzwords. Pray with this posture." When this happens, we can end up asking men to be "religious" at the expense of being spiritual.
Or, we ask them to perform certain activities to show their commitment to God. "If you love God you will be in church on Wednesday night." It's ironic because the more we try to influence "behavior" the less real lasting change we see. Such an approach will simply burden men down and wear them out. So how can we help men experience lasting change?
Jesus, Our Example
Jesus does not say, "Come unto me all you who are weary and I will give you more work to do." Instead, He offers rest to weary travelers.
We, too, should have the perspective of our Lord when we encounter hurting men. Let's stop being angry at men because they are not more spiritual. Consider how the Bible describes Jesus: The Great Physician, the Teacher, the Prince of Peace, the Lamb of God, the Bread of Life, the Good Shepherd, Living Water. Jesus is a healer and a physician. He wants to restore men. We should too.
Certainly, the Bible prescribes some things that we "ought" to do. And we should not hesitate to teach these to men. Yet, we must distinguish between "principle" and "application." Our "possible" applications of a Biblical principle must never be touted as "necessary," as things we "ought" to do.
Why Men Come
When men come to a prayer breakfast, conference, Bible study, or church, they come because they have an unmet need a "void" to be filled. They come looking for a piece of bread that will nourish their souls. They come thirsty for living water.
Rather than showing men a list of "do's" and "don'ts" we must show them Christ. Our job is not to "fix" their behavior. Our job is to make Christ ever more attractive so that He can do His life-transforming work in them. God's grace changes men, not some effort on their part to be good enough. When we help men connect with Jesus, He works the change in behavior from the inside out. He changes the desires of the man. We can only give a man a new rulebook. Jesus will give him a new heart.
Good Works
The gospel of Christ comes by grace, not works. I'm concerned that much of today's teaching appears to make a necessity out of certain behaviors where God does not.
One speaker is even reported to say, "No works, no Jesus." This is exactly backwards. We would do better to say, "No Jesus, no works." In other words, our works don't lead us to Christ. Rather, our love relationship with Christ leads us to do works as an expression of gratitude.
Let's never succumb to demanding "religious behavior" from men by giving them a list of things that "spiritual" men do. They could end up with an outward show of religion, but without an inward conversion of soul and spirit. They could end up performing a list of "activities" from their own strength rather than in dependence upon Christ. They could end up trying to be "good" enough based upon their own merit.
Business leader, author, and speaker, Patrick Morley helps men to think more deeply about their lives, to be reconciled with Christ, and to be equipped for a larger impact on the world. Visit his Web site, http://www.maninthemirror.org/
posted by Drew Dyck at 11:00 AM
7 Comments:
What a wonderful article. What better way for a man to grow than conform to the image of Jesus Christ! What more need be said????
I could not agree more with these statements! i find that many choose to takes God's place in putting their own ideas of how I should be and act as a man of God that i feel that in order to hear Daddy's desires i need to tune them out.
this grieves my heart for i know that His desire is for unity among His children!
I do not totally agree with these statements, but I also do not totally disagree with them as well. Yes, men are going to these events, but many times not to fill up on th living waters, but also to learn. To learn what it means to be a godly man. Many churches are teaching what it means to be a godly husband and a godly father, but few are teaching what it means to be a godly man. As the scriptures say, what man before going into battle, learns the cost? Or what fool builds his house on the sand? But yet that is exactly what we are doing, if we first don't learn what it means to be a godly man. John Ortberg said it best, 90% of the male population is the United States lack a true friend. Why? Because we don't know how to build true relationships!
Well said. It's unfortunate that the church has adopted the world's attitudes of doing more and multi-tasking. I think we get so caught up in these two facets of modern life that we neglect ourselves to the detriment of ourselves and others. God even set aside one day for Himself to rest after all His work and he tells us to do the same. Unfortunately, we don't, and this affects us in many ways, including our health. We may go to church then after services come home and mow the lawn or work around the house because we didn't get to it on the other days of the week. I, for one, could use some rest and don't need any more work to do, whether it's at home or in the church,
This is an excellent commentary on the plight of men. It is a reminder we all need to hear and digest deeply. I agree with John; many men don't know what it truly means to BE A MAN - THUS ALL OF OUR RELATIONSHIPS ARE AFFECTED. I encounter men on a weekly basis who wrestle with this issue. I myself wrestle as well. We are all busy... but not necessarily better. Jesus is our ultimate example of manhood. I'm determined, by the grace of God, to break through all that stands in the way of God's identity for me - and to help other men do the same. We need to look to Christ.
-Allen Paul Weaver III
Author, Transition: Breaking Through the Barriers
www.transitionunleashed.com
www.allenpaulweaveriii.com
Excellent article! Men get beat up enough by the media's portrayal of them as intellectually incompetent,only interested in sex,and insensitive to others needs.They don't need to be beat up by the church as well.How about being gracious to them,as Jesus would be and say "Come follow me as I follow Jesus,and see what an adventure it can be!"
I question the premise in the lead paragraph. If you change the wording from "ought to do" to "ideas of things to consider or try to enhance your Christian life", then there is no need for the rest of the article. New Man magazine has had many articles giving us pointers to widen our normal male outlook in our ministry to family, to others, and to ourselves, without hammering the "ought to" imperative.
That being said, when the first paragraph is true, as it sometimes is in some circles, then I agree with the rest of the article.
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