Secret Ingredient for Church Growth: Men

If your church has a lot of men, it's probably growing, according to a study from Hartford Seminary. Meanwhile, a surplus of women makes growth much less likely.

The study, reported in the Christian Science Monitor, finds congregations that draw more men than women are three times as likely to be growing as female-dominated churches.

The findings square with the National Congregations Study of 1998, which found that large, growing churches were those least likely to experience a gender gap.

The study also found that a reverent worship environment was associated with church decline, while a somewhat irreverent climate led to growth. This squares with men’s taste for parody and self-deprecating humor. A pastor who pokes fun at himself or the foibles of modern church life will score big points with men.

Multi-racial congregations and those that offer a "joyful" worship climate featuring drums are also likely to grow. The study confirmed four other growth factors experts have long known, including:

· Location in a fast-growing suburb
· Lots of young adults
· Conservative theology; evangelical bent
· Willingness to change

Many pastors and church leaders would like to do a better job reaching men, but don’t know how. Many have tried–and failed–to launch a men’s ministry. I’m convinced that a new program isn’t the answer. If you really want to reach your men, tweak your Sunday morning worship and Sunday school to make it more relevant to the guys.

I’ve posted a free guide on my web site called the Go for the Guys Sunday Action Plan. It leads you through the process of creating a special guy-oriented worship service. Churches around the country are trying these services and are finding an enthusiastic response from men and women alike. It’s a great first step to making every Sunday more compelling to our half of the human race.

David Murrow is the author of Why Men Hate Going to Church. For more than twenty years he has produced and written television documentaries, commercials, and specials. He has served as an elder in the Presbyterian Church (USA), and he and his wife have three children.

No More Excuses

I remember the first time I heard the classic homework excuse, "My dog ate my homework" from a third-grade classmate who didn't even have a dog. The entire class, including the teacher, broke out in laughter.

I don't remember whether the excuse was effective but I do remember the laughter and the embarrassed-yet-proud expression on the face of my classmate.

Looking back, I realize how appropriate and natural the laughter was. Excuses should be laughed at, not dignified as they frequently are today. Excuses and responsibility cannot coexist.

As a responsible person, it is up to you to locate or create the solutions to the challenges of life. Whether it is something big or small, you're still responsible, and each time you give an excuse you diminish your respect, your credibility, and your integrity in your own eyes as well as the eyes of others. Each time you make an excuse, you reinforce your propensity to make even more excuses in the future, and excuse-making becomes a habit.

Commit to making your home, car and office an excuse-free zone. If a situation arises that previously called for an excuse, substitute the words, "I am responsible," where the excuse used to go. Try this out at work and in your relationship with your wife…and even on the golf course.

This is not an invitation to beat up on yourself but an encouragement to see the truth of how and why you got to where you are. Remember, somebody, somewhere has had it far worse than you and still succeeded. As men, when we acknowledge this truth can we be free to build a future that is far more exciting than our past.


Tommy Newberry is the author of Success Is Not an Accident and The 4:8 Principle available from Tyndale House Publishers this fall.

A Guy's Guide to Father's Day

In 1926, when my dad was two years old his father abandoned him. It is something from which our family lineage has still not fully recovered. The impact of a father, for better or for worse, is felt forward for many generations. My grandfather contacted my dad when I was in high school. I asked my dad, “Why didn’t you let him come see you?”

My dad didn’t want anything to do with him.

My dad said, “I was only two when he left. I never knew the man. He didn’t want anything to do with me then, so I don’t want anything to do with him now.”

Back then, as a high school student, I didn’t know what to say. Today, I do, but it’s too late. My dad has passed away.

Breaking the Cycle
My dad wanted to break the cycle and, in many ways, he did. He taught me integrity, the value of hard work, and how to respect a woman. I will always be grateful. But my dad also let me down in some key areas. He didn’t want to, but he did. He was a good man, but he had a lot to overcome. He suffered for the sins of his own father.

My dad tried to break the cycle and became a leader in our church. But, regrettably, our church didn’t put a strong emphasis on building godly men, husbands, and fathers. As a result, we dropped out of church when he was 40 and I was in the 10th grade.

Our entire family lineage is still reeling from that decision: two high school dropouts (I was one of them), drug addiction, alcoholism, employment problems, and divorce. I even have a brother who died of a heroin overdose.

One reason I’m so passionate about helping men is because of what I’ve seen God do in my own family line. By God’s grace, I became a follower of Jesus in my early twenties. Since then, everyone in our family, except one brother, has put their faith in Jesus. Patsy and I have been married for 30 years. My children can never remember a day they didn’t know and love Jesus Christ.

So, “Dad, if you can hear me, thanks for all you did. We did break the cycle, and we did it because of your determination. I have been able to finish in my generation what you started in your generation.”

A Final Thought
Any Christian counselor will tell you, “There is something about a man’s relationship with his father that touches every aspect of his life.” Indeed, ask a group of men on a retreat to discuss, “What was your relationship with your father like?” and you will soon have a room full of blubbers—many because their dads were so encouraging, and the rest because they don’t feel like their dads loved them or were proud of them.

So this is not a message about how to be a good dad on Father’s Day, but a good son. Bless your father this year. If you can reconcile with your past, you won’t be doomed to repeat the sins of your father or father’s father. You will be a good dad to your own kids. You will have broken the cycle. You will be free.

Business leader, author, and speaker, Patrick Morley helps men to think more deeply about their lives, to be reconciled with Christ, and to be equipped for a larger impact on the world. Visit his Web site, www.maninthemirror.org

Raising Confident Kids

When your children have high levels of confidence, they are better equipped to think long-term, set meaningful goals, and cope with peer pressure. They also make wiser decisions into adulthood. Self-confidence multiplies your child's potential.

Fortunately, self-confidence is not an accident. It is a mental skill that your child can and must learn. As a father, you have a great responsibility in this area.

It is very easy to let your children become aware of their weaknesses. We’re often quick to dwell on the “C” rather than the “A’s” and “B's” on the report card. But this is not the path to high performance.

Kids with real confidence have what I call a “Positive Memory.” This means that they tend to notice and stay mindful of what they do right, instead of what they do wrong. This mental habit is learned (or not learned) as a result of exposure to grown-ups who possess and emphasize this positive memory.

When your children see that they’ve made progress–even a little–they want to succeed even more. This gets the momentum going. Often, as dads, we shut our eyes to the progress our kids are making because we’re fixated on perfection. But demanding perfection is a toxic mental habit that only serves to amplify your children’s weaknesses.

Fortunately, it is possible for you to coach your child to build the success quality of “Positive Memory.” In life, there will always be good stuff and bad stuff. Your children's life experience though, will be dominated by what they choose to focus on. Why not give this gift of intentional thinking to your children early in life? They just may make it a lifelong habit.

Tommy Newberry is the author of Success Is Not an Accident and The 4:8 Principle available fromTyndale House Publishers this fall.

The Bitter Fruit of Sexual Sin

A Christian man stumbled into "CyberSex." He started flirting with a woman online and, before long, she announced she was traveling to his town on business.

"Can we get together?" she asked.

Without thinking very clearly he set a date. Fortunately, he came to his senses before it was too late and called off the meeting.

During a typical week I personally learn through my work of three or four men who risk or throw away a lifetime of investment in a wife, family, and reputation for a few moments of sexual fantasy. Here are a few things to consider as you battle sexual temptation.

Your Sins Will Find You Out

I have devoted my life to mastering one book so that I can show men how it applies to their lives. I love teaching the word of God. Let me use my knowledge of that book to frighten you a bit. A little "holy" fear can be a good thing. If I have learned anything at all from the Bible it is this: Your sins will find you out.

You wouldn't dream of committing sexual sin if you thought you would get caught. You will. Listen to what the Scriptures say,

You may be sure that your sin will find you out (Numbers 32:23).

For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil (Ecclesiastes 12:14).

There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known (Luke 12:2).

Our sins will find us out sooner rather than later. Why? Because God will not be mocked.

Is It Easy or Difficult To Fall Into Sexual Temptation?

In one way it is very easy for a Christian to fall into sexual temptation. Through creation the eye has been made to appreciate beauty. Through the fall the flesh has been made to lust after that beauty.

Any man who says that he doesn't struggle with sexual temptation is lying. Augustine put it this way: "After the fall lust rules." He would know. He had an illegitimate son by the first of his two mistresses.

We live in a sex-saturated society. Everyday we are bombarded by the availability of sexual explicit materials whether TV, movies, magazines, books, or the Internet.

How likely is it that a man walking closely with Christ might stroll down a sidewalk, have a woman seduce him, and succumb? Not very.

It's not that easy for a Christian to fall into sexual sin. You have to flirt with sexual sin for a long time before you will fall. You've got to plot and plan it out. You've got to spend a lot of time figuring out how not to get caught. All of this takes an enormous amount of forethought and premeditation. This thought should provide a great deal of comfort to men who truly love Christ.
If you abide in Christ it's just not that easy to stumble into sexual sin. However, if you live on the edge in a secret thought life you are vulnerable. What kind of company do you keep? What kind of thoughts do you meditate upon? Do you have habits that bring you into contact with sexually tempting materials? How vulnerable have you made yourself?

Overcoming Temptation

Trample your temptations. Do you know the difference between men and women when it comes to temptation? Women flee temptation. Men slowly crawl away hoping temptation will overtake them.

1 Corinthians 6:18 says, "Flee from sexual immorality." If you don't want to sin, don't permit habits that bring you into temptation, like watching sexy TV, casual flirting, or spending time "online" with no accountability. Don't put yourself in compromising situations. Don't hire a secretary to whom you feel a physical attraction. Don't stare out the window at your neighbor's wife doing yard work.

Emerge Ministries works with pastors who have fallen into sexual sin. Founder Richard Dobbins states that every single one of these pastors have one thing in common. In the days, weeks, and months leading up to their moral failure not one of these men had maintained a consistent time of daily devotions. In other words, their public ministry continued even though their personal walk with Christ had ground to a halt.

The ultimate protection from sexual sin is to live out of the overflow of a vibrant, personal relationship with Jesus. You are only vulnerable when you fail to abide in Christ.

Business leader, author, and speaker, Patrick Morley helps men to think more deeply about their lives, to be reconciled with Christ, and to be equipped for a larger impact on the world. Visit his Web site, www.maninthemirror.org

The Power of Silence

I was driving home a few weeks ago and counted six people walking independent of each other down the sidewalk. Five of them were holding mobile phones to their ears as they walked. The last person was listening to his ipod with a set of headphones. Not one was simply enjoying the act of walking without some sort of outside stimulation.

Of course, there is nothing wrong with talking on the phone while you walk or listening to music while you exercise. But it got me thinking.

Silence can be rejuvenating, invigorating and even therapeutic. Yet it can also be lonely and intimidating. It can be lonely because we are so used to noise and activity. Any break from that hustle and bustle seems strange or even awkward.

In silence our thoughts bubble up from within instead of being generated by our environment. It can be enlightening just to sit and contemplate our life. In moments of stillness, we get to know ourselves for better or for worse and maybe that is why so many avoid it.

I know some people who never experience silence at all. Do you know anyone like this? They are always on the phone, listening to something or watching TV. I even know of people who turn several T.V.’s on throughout their house so as they walk from room to room, they don’t miss anything.

What about you? Do you have enough time away from noise and busyness to hear yourself think? Or even more importantly, to hear God speaking to you and through you? How much quiet time do you have scheduled for the next week? I encourage you to make this a priority. What do you think?


Tommy Newberry is the author of Success Is Not an Accident and The 4:8 Principle available from Tyndale House Publishers this fall.