Polygraph Examiner Sees Ugly Side of Sex Addicts

Like the men he works with, Darryl Bullens lives in two different worlds.

Two weeks a month he is at home in north central Missouri with his wife, Margaret, and his two stepdaughters, working with animals and tending to his garden.

The other two weeks he’s on the road, sitting across from men for whom living in two different worlds is as natural as breathing. Publicly these men are as normal as, well, you. They’re public relations professionals, salesmen, doctors and mechanics. But in their other world, the one they’ve carefully constructed and go to great lengths to conceal, they visit the seamiest sites on the Internet, solicit prostitutes, engage in aberrant sex acts and collect child pornography.

They’re sexual offenders, and Bullens, 41, is a polygraph examiner. Most of his work involves monitoring these men for the justice system. But he also administers polygraph tests to men who have either been caught in sexually inappropriate behavior or who are struggling with some form of sexual addiction.

Bullens is a former Virginia state police special agent who met Margaret, a nationally recognized expert in sex offender management policy, in polygraph school. They married and started Forensic Technologies Inc., of which they are both managing partners. Their most significant client is San Diego County.

At 6-foot-4-inches, 260 pounds, Bullens is built like an offensive lineman. He’s a tough guy, but he admits that his job can get the best of him.

“I used to hear when I was a police officer about what a stressful job this is,” Bullens says. “Police work is nothing compared to this. There are days now when I leave the office and all I can do is go home and go to sleep.”

Several years ago Bullens spent six-plus hours acquiring the sexual history of a man in San Diego who presented himself as a preacher but was, in fact, a sexual sadist who murdered four people.

“I looked into his eyes and I saw evil,” Bullens recalls. “What he did was beyond most people’s comprehension or imagination, and he talked about it like we would discuss the weather. That stays with you.”

It takes its toll and Bullens admits that he’s open to a career change, but he recognizes that the Lord has placed him in this job for the time being. “I have my whole church [Galt Christian Church in Galt, Missouri] praying for me. We all have gifts, and this happens to be mine. I just pray that the Lord will see fit to use me someplace else.”

Bullens accepted Christ when he was 27, in the Southern Baptist church he grew up in and his parents still attend east of Knoxville, Tenn. He wishes more men would seek help before a court orders them to.

“There’s no question that God will meet you. He can and does do amazing things,” Bullens says. “But the person has to be committed to wanting to stop. The four most important factors in making that happen are intention, determination, faith and family support.”

By Scott Walsh

Tony Campolo Responds

A letter to Drew Dyck, New Man Magazine

Dear Drew,

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to respond to your open letter. I hope you give my response as much space in your magazine as you gave to the questions you raised about me, since you probably are aware that what you had to say will have serious consequences for me and for the missionary work to which I am related.

It seems to me that the first obligation which, according to Matthew 18, is that when you have some serious questions about a brother that you are to go to that brother directly and only after things are clarified and there is no way to set things straight should you be going to the larger community of Christians with your concerns. You could have prevented a lot of damage had you lived up to Biblical requisites.

First of all, I have always made clear that there is no salvation apart from the grace of God given through Jesus Christ and his sacrificial work on the cross. In accord with Scripture, I’ve always held that there is no other name given under heaven whereby a person can be saved except in the name of Jesus.

What I have said, though, on various occasions, what you must have heard me say, is that while Jesus is the only savior, I am not convinced that Christians are the only ones that are saved. In reference to Muslims, I have specifically referred to men like Al-Hallag, one of the leaders of the Sufi sect of Islam. This man, while maintaining his Muslim identity, affirmed Jesus as the living WORD of God, and was so into what Christ did on the cross that his fellow Muslims accused him of becoming a Christian and put him to death by crucifixion. In my book, Speaking My Mind, I raise the question as to whether or not a Muslim such as Al-Hallag is saved through the cross of Christ even though he never identified himself as a Christian. I have said over and over again that think it is best for Christians to leave the judgment of who will be received into heaven and who will not be received into heaven to God. I have heard Billy Graham say exactly the same thing on multiple occasions.

Concerning homosexuality, I have contended that no one knows what causes a homosexual orientation. But as a sociologist, I know from my colleagues in my field that research indicates that people do not choose to be homosexuals. Whatever it is that creates that orientation occurs so early in the physical/social development of the individual that decision-making on this matter is never an option. Furthermore, while believing that God can do anything, I have strongly pointed out that sexual orientation does not normatively change even for those who have had deep spiritual experiences and who have had extensive counseling. It is interesting to note that even the leaders of the EXODUS ministries have recently declared that while it is possible for homosexuals to change their behavior and enter into heterosexual marriages that the tendencies towards same-gender attraction is likely to continue throughout the lifespan of gay and lesbian persons.

If you read my books, (i.e. Speaking My Mind), you will find that I have no easy answers for my gay brothers and lesbian sisters. I call them to celibacy but point out that the church, which is quick to affirm this call, is reluctant to provide the emotional support and the prayerful encouragement that is essential for those who would enter into a celibate lifestyle. This is because in most instances, any person who “comes out” as being homosexual is likely to find that the church reacts with rejection and hostility. Hence, our congregations are filled with closeted gays and lesbians.

You are quite right when you point out that I believe that the church should be open to gays and lesbians. It seems strange to me that the church has become so open to people who are divorced and remarried even though Jesus speaks directly against such relationships but will have little if anything to do with people who are in gay and lesbian relationships.

I am a conservative on the issue, but I believe that our arms should be open to all who want to receive Christ and be a part of the fellowship of believers in which they can be nurtured into lifestyles that are in accord with Scripture.

I hope this letter provides adequate answers to the questions you raised in your “open letter.” I think it is important for Christians to hold each other accountable; it’s just that I think that we should do this in private before going public.

May our friendship continue as brothers in Christ.

Sincerely,

Tony Campolo
Eastern University
St. Davids, PA

Read Drew Dyck's "Open Letter" to Tony Campolo

Read the original interview with Tony Campolo that sparked the debate

Did Ann Coulter Go Too Far?

There's no question about it: Ann Coulter likes to push the envelope. She's known as a provocateur quite comfortable with using hyperbole to drive home a political point.

However, her latest brush with controversy led well off the political path. When asked by CNBC host Donny Deutsch what her ideal America looked like, she responded that everyone would be Christian. Deutsch, a Jew, took exception.

“It would be better if we were all Christian?” he asked incredulously.

Coulter stuck by her guns and that’s where the real controversy came. While defending her comment she stated that Christians are merely “perfected Jews.” Commentators glommed onto the phrase, accusing Coulter of denigrating Jews.

The broader context of the interview reveals that Coulter was explaining her belief about the relationship between the Old and New Testament.

“We believe in the Old Testament,” she said. “But ours is more like Federal Express.”

While this may not be entirely accurate representation of Christian belief—the New Testament is the culmination of the Old Testament, not a more expedient option—her point is not completely off the mark. Anyone who becomes a Christian, Jewish or otherwise, in a sense becomes “perfected.” But a serious qualifier is in order. Being perfected means that we are justified and presented blameless in the sight of God. Most Christians agree that we will never arrive at perfection (reach a sinless state) on this side of heaven.

Coulter’s biggest error was probably one of judgment. The Jews have suffered brutal persecution in recent history by those who claimed that they were genetically inferior. In light of this discrimination we should watch our words carefully. Any language that suggests that they are in need of perfection is potentially offensive and ultimately detrimental to the cause of Christ. The Bible instructs us to be “shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves.” That’s a teaching it seems Coulter has yet to perfect.

Let's Stop Beating Up On Men!

I once heard a men's message that I would sub-title: "The 327 Things You Need To Do To Be A Good Christian." While I'm exaggerating, the underlying theme frightens me. I have heard several speakers and communicators with good hearts tell men in their messages about the many things they "ought" to be doing. For example, you "ought" to …

-have a weekly date night with your wife.
-carve out more time for your kids.
-cancel your Sports Illustrated subscription because of the swimsuit edition.
-spend a certain minimum amount of time with God every day.
-be in an accountability group.
-ask your pastor what more you can do to serve, and so on.

Each of these things sounds like a good idea. Indeed, they may even be a good application of biblical principles. Yet, they also illustrate an alarming trend in men's ministry that needs to be nipped in the bud.

The Wrong Approach
Too often, I'm afraid, we ask men to conform to our "Christian men's sub-culture" as a show of spirituality. "Use these buzzwords. Pray with this posture." When this happens, we can end up asking men to be "religious" at the expense of being spiritual.

Or, we ask them to perform certain activities to show their commitment to God. "If you love God you will be in church on Wednesday night." It's ironic because the more we try to influence "behavior" the less real lasting change we see. Such an approach will simply burden men down and wear them out. So how can we help men experience lasting change?

Jesus, Our Example
Jesus does not say, "Come unto me all you who are weary and I will give you more work to do." Instead, He offers rest to weary travelers.

We, too, should have the perspective of our Lord when we encounter hurting men. Let's stop being angry at men because they are not more spiritual. Consider how the Bible describes Jesus: The Great Physician, the Teacher, the Prince of Peace, the Lamb of God, the Bread of Life, the Good Shepherd, Living Water. Jesus is a healer and a physician. He wants to restore men. We should too.

Certainly, the Bible prescribes some things that we "ought" to do. And we should not hesitate to teach these to men. Yet, we must distinguish between "principle" and "application." Our "possible" applications of a Biblical principle must never be touted as "necessary," as things we "ought" to do.

Why Men Come
When men come to a prayer breakfast, conference, Bible study, or church, they come because they have an unmet need a "void" to be filled. They come looking for a piece of bread that will nourish their souls. They come thirsty for living water.

Rather than showing men a list of "do's" and "don'ts" we must show them Christ. Our job is not to "fix" their behavior. Our job is to make Christ ever more attractive so that He can do His life-transforming work in them. God's grace changes men, not some effort on their part to be good enough. When we help men connect with Jesus, He works the change in behavior from the inside out. He changes the desires of the man. We can only give a man a new rulebook. Jesus will give him a new heart.

Good Works
The gospel of Christ comes by grace, not works. I'm concerned that much of today's teaching appears to make a necessity out of certain behaviors where God does not.

One speaker is even reported to say, "No works, no Jesus." This is exactly backwards. We would do better to say, "No Jesus, no works." In other words, our works don't lead us to Christ. Rather, our love relationship with Christ leads us to do works as an expression of gratitude.

Let's never succumb to demanding "religious behavior" from men by giving them a list of things that "spiritual" men do. They could end up with an outward show of religion, but without an inward conversion of soul and spirit. They could end up performing a list of "activities" from their own strength rather than in dependence upon Christ. They could end up trying to be "good" enough based upon their own merit.

Business leader, author, and speaker, Patrick Morley helps men to think more deeply about their lives, to be reconciled with Christ, and to be equipped for a larger impact on the world. Visit his Web site, http://www.maninthemirror.org/

Open Letter to Tony Campolo

Dear Mr. Campolo,

We've never met, but somehow I feel like I know you. Maybe it's because you've had a huge impact on my spiritual life through your books and speaking. But recently I was disappointed and confused by a stance you took on some important issues.

My first memory of you is still vivid. I was 16 years old, just one soul in a sea of thousands, crammed into an arena for a youth conference. You erupted onto the stage that night. As you paced back and forth, dabbing perspiration from your brow, you delivered a no-compromise message that sent a holy hush over the crowd.

I remember one story in particular. You recounted how a young man had approached you about his plans to become a missionary doctor in Africa. Yet when you caught up to him years later, he had traded his dream of missions work for a lucrative career as a plastic surgeon. Others may have excused his actions. Not you. You thundered the response you had given him: “Charlie, you’re a sellout!”

The message wasn’t lost on us. We were inspired by your challenge. We wouldn’t cave in to the world. We wouldn’t be sellouts.

When I read a recent interview with you, I glimpsed that same passion for the radical demands of the gospel. The interview covered several topics. When asked what Jesus would say to youth, your response was unequivocal. “Youth was made for heroism and not for pleasure…what I am here to do is call you to sacrifice.” Amen.

But I found myself shaking my head after reading the rest of the interview, especially after seeing your comments about Muslims and homosexuality.

You seemed to suggest that Muslims might obtain salvation apart from belief in Christ. You even cited John 10:16, naming Muslims as the sheep Jesus speaks of “that are not of this fold.” You went on to say that on judgment day the eternal destiny of Muslims would be decided—not on whether they accepted or rejected Christ—but on whether they performed good or evil deeds.

I was shocked by this significant departure from historic and orthodox Christianity. As I’m sure you’re aware, theologians almost unanimously agree that Jesus’ mention of “other sheep,” which was made to Jewish listeners, is almost certainly a reference to the gentiles who would soon profess faith in Christ. To claim that he was referring to adherents of a religion that was not even in existence would be strange indeed.

I also find your position on Muslims and salvation dangerous for Christian missions. I have friends risking their lives in repressive countries to bring the soul-saving message of Christ to Muslims. I wonder how they would respond to your assertion that Muslims are already on their way to heaven. Teaching that any group of people can enter heaven without accepting the atoning work of the cross ignores the exclusivity of the gospel and diminishes the imperative to spread the good news with passion and urgency.

Next you tackled the topic of homosexuality. “We shouldn't be saying to gay and lesbian people, ‘You have to become what you're not in order to be welcome by Jesus.’”

I agree that we should encourage homosexuals to come to Jesus “just as they are.” Yet once they come to Jesus, shouldn’t we expect that He will change their homosexual behavior? You seem to equate sexual orientation with core identity. Have I misunderstood you? I believe we all have sinful behaviors when we come to Christ. The hope is that He will cleanse us from those sins and reveal our true selves. We should accept homosexuals with open arms—and with a promise of freedom from their sin.

Perhaps I’m misrepresenting your positions. If so, please clarify what you meant by your comments. You are an influential voice in the church and your opinions carry great weight. Years ago you inspired me to stand against the culture and cling to the truth. Today I ask you to do the same.

Sincerely,

Drew Dyck

New Man magazine

Talk About Jesus Without Sounding Like A Nut!

A lot of people dismiss Christians as religious nuts, and for good reason—some of us are! A "nut" is someone who will argue with you about a subject in which you have no interest in a language you can't understand.

On the other hand, those same people often have deep and profound questions. The men you will pass on the road, sit next to at lunch, and do your deals with today wrestle with profound spiritual questions. The question is, of course, how can we give orthodox Christian answers to those questions without sounding nutty?

How can we talk about Jesus without sounding like a nut? Try these steps…

RAPPORT
In John 4, Jesus was resting in Samaria near Jacob's well at midday. A sinful woman came to draw water-her shame so great she didn't dare come with the other women during the cooler hours of the day. She came for water, so Jesus talked to her about water, living water.

Remember that people are trying to solve their problems, not ours. So give people what they need, but do it in the context of what they want. For example, a man and his live-in girlfriend moved next door to us. About a month later he was despondent over his lack of work. He said he loved sports management. I told him I knew Pat Williams, then general manager of the Orlando Magic, and I would be happy to approach Pat.

He wanted to talk about work, so we talked about work. He didn't get the job, but because I was interested we built a friendship, and he did eventually give his life to Jesus Christ. (He also married his friend!)

To talk about Jesus without sounding like a nut, be sure to establish rapport. Talk to people in terms of their own interests. Then, when you've built rapport, show them how Christ solves the problems they face.

RELEVANCE
In Acts, Peter boldly addresses his fellow Jews—the "religious" people—with a strong warning, a stern rebuke, and a straightforward challenge, "Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven" (Acts 2:38, 40). In other words, he spoke in a language they could understand. He was relevant. Paul, on the other hand, was in Athens when he saw an altar with an inscription: TO AN UNKNOWN GOD. So Paul said, "Now what you worship as something unknown I am going to proclaim to you" (Acts 17:23). He was relevant, and they listened.
To not sound like a nut you must be relevant. As someone said, theology is best done with a Bible in one hand and a newspaper in the other.

RECOMMEND
Paul told the Corinthians, "For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified" (1 Corinthians 2:2). That's bold! Why would he park on that thought? Because Jesus had said, "But I, when I am lifted up from the earth (indicating the kind of death) will draw all men to myself" (Luke 12:32). Paul understood that if he would stick to recommending Christ, that God would do the rest. Don't argue religion, but do recommend Jesus Christ.

Business leader, author, and speaker, Patrick Morley helps men to think more deeply about their lives, to be reconciled with Christ, and to be equipped for a larger impact on the world. Visit his Web site, http://www.maninthemirror.org/