Where are the Men?
Next time you're in church, perform a little experiment for me. Look around the sanctuary and count the number of women. Then count the men. If your congregation mirrors national averages, six or seven out of every 10 people with you in the pews will be female—meaning only three or four out of 10 will be male.
Visit a church during the week and you’ll find the proportion of women to men even more lopsided. Seventy to 80 percent of participants at midweek activities are female, a phenomenon that prompted one pastor to comment, “If it weren’t for the postman, every visitor to the church during the week would be a woman.”
So, what’s behind this trend? And what can be done to reverse it?
Maybe church is the problem. Some claim contemporary services have been feminized beyond recognition. Emotive sermons and flowery choruses have made church unendurable for the average guy.
I think there’s some truth to this critique. Churches have to change. Methodologies must be honed to better meet men’s needs.
But I’m not ready to let me off the hook completely. An emasculated church may actually be the consequence of male absence, not the cause of it. If men want man-friendly services, there is something simple they can do: get more involved!
I understand that church attendance isn’t the ultimate measurement of spiritual health, but it is an important one. I think that many men are just in a spiritual stupor. A lot of Christian guys don’t give a rip about the things of God. They’re content to snore through the occasional sermon, before retiring to the sofa to let cable television wash over him. I’m not just pointing fingers. I often fall into the same rut. I float through life, without really pursuing God, without truly seeking intimacy with Him.
I believe that the lack of male spiritual vitality is one of the greatest problems facing the church today. Please give me your feedback. Why do you think men are so scarce at church these days? And what should we do about it?
Visit a church during the week and you’ll find the proportion of women to men even more lopsided. Seventy to 80 percent of participants at midweek activities are female, a phenomenon that prompted one pastor to comment, “If it weren’t for the postman, every visitor to the church during the week would be a woman.”
So, what’s behind this trend? And what can be done to reverse it?
Maybe church is the problem. Some claim contemporary services have been feminized beyond recognition. Emotive sermons and flowery choruses have made church unendurable for the average guy.
I think there’s some truth to this critique. Churches have to change. Methodologies must be honed to better meet men’s needs.
But I’m not ready to let me off the hook completely. An emasculated church may actually be the consequence of male absence, not the cause of it. If men want man-friendly services, there is something simple they can do: get more involved!
I understand that church attendance isn’t the ultimate measurement of spiritual health, but it is an important one. I think that many men are just in a spiritual stupor. A lot of Christian guys don’t give a rip about the things of God. They’re content to snore through the occasional sermon, before retiring to the sofa to let cable television wash over him. I’m not just pointing fingers. I often fall into the same rut. I float through life, without really pursuing God, without truly seeking intimacy with Him.
I believe that the lack of male spiritual vitality is one of the greatest problems facing the church today. Please give me your feedback. Why do you think men are so scarce at church these days? And what should we do about it?
posted by Drew Dyck at 11:55 AM
15 Comments:
I feel church has gone way too far to the "feel good" sermons and all blessings all the time. Men want to come to church and learn something, not be told everything is OK, if you do this or that. The fact is, most of our lives have many things happening at once. We need spiritual feeding and biblical backed teaching. I cant remember the last time I walked into a church and heard a sermon about Paul or Elijah or Moses. So many sermons are preached with props, skits, scenes from movies, etc. Where is the traditional church? Where is the traditional family? Where is Sunday School? I think our church programs need a revival.
I think the point of the article is a good one, but might not be strong enough.
The fact that church services are "feminized" today is because we, as men, have abdicated our responsibilities in many facets of life, including the church. There's a whole bunch that could be said based on that, but suffice to say that men are going to have to do more than simply step up to the plate and hit the ball — we're going to have to take the bat out of the hands of the women who are running most facets of the church, and begin to take batting practice. It's not going to be easy, but we've got to do it if we're going to live up to our role as leaders in our families and church.
What we DON'T do, is once we get the bat, start hitting people over the head and taking wild swings. We start with batting practice and, as we get confident with our abilities, we step up and take the big-league pitches and swing on them. We'll hit some base hits, and even some home runs, but we'll also strike out from time to time.
It's time to take up our bats and start learning how to hit the ball again.
Oh my Goshen - I wish I knew where all the men are - especially Godly men in church or out (I don't think it matters at this point because they seem to be the same!). I have been divorced/single since 1999 & have yet to find a man as Godly as I or as mature in Christ as I am & if they are they are married - that's because they are mature & Christ & remain married. I have never seen such in my life & it seems to be getting worse. I so agree with the posters above me regarding church & men - hats off to both of you in your thoughts/advice.
I pray the men of this world become the men God as called them to be & step up to the plate for once - especially single men because there are lots of Godly women in the world that God would like to marry to Godly men!!! :)
In my experience, however limited that may be, it seems that most church services are not necessarily feminized, but most times it is our own selves that can't seem to let go and be the worshipers that God wants us to be. May it be pride or preoccupation, either the couch or dinner, we have no excuses to not be satisfied in a church service.
During the week, however, I have found that most congregations don't have much in the way of men's ministries. The few churches that I have attended seem to get together once a month for "Men's Fellowship" I think that to be one of the main reasons why alot of men are absent from weekly activities.
Perhaps this story may help explain...
A Czar in Russia was showing a visitor around his castle. The two noticed a single solitary sentinel (guard) standing out in the courtyard upon a patch of grass. The visitor asked why. The czar immediately sent orders out for an explanation. Well, to make a long story short, long before the present czar came to power (when Catherine the Great ruled Russia) she had marveled at how spring flowers bloomed on a single patch of grass in the courtyard. So, she ordered a sentinel, during the winter to stand guard over that patch of grass to prevent anyone from stepping too much upon the ground.
My point is this, old ways for how men are used in the church simply have not changed. The male members of the traditional churches are left to stand over a small plot of ground for far too many years for no good reason. And, sorry to say, most men will only do whatever they are asked in an environment that seems designed by their mother. "Lord knows." the men will say "how mother church will act if I step out of line and do things a little differently."
AngllHugnU2
Author of IM with God
www.booklocker.com/books/2980.html
If you want more men in the church you must have men's small groups to train and equip them. You don't send soldiers off to war without proper training and equipment, so you should not expect any less of Christ's soldiers. If you expect to start winning battles for Christ you must stop worrying about things like music types or weak/please everyone sermons. You will need to get down to some old fashion bible training and discipleship. You will also need to crush the idea that life in Christ is going to be happiness and sunshine. Christ was beaten, spit upon, ridiculed, and murdered, so should we expect any better? With that said, there is no better place and peace then to know that you are in the will of God regardless of the suffering.
I believe the issue is that men have to be taught that they mean something to God; that they plan a very important role in God's plan for their life and the world. Speaking from my own experience, I was content with things in my life. I wasn't pushed to do anything or told I needed to do something. After being saved, it wasn't explained to me that my life is not my own. Or at least, I forgot it somewhere along the line. We need to train/teach our men that they are needed and God is looking to them to bring order in their homes first, then to the church.
I agree that men need to be more involved in church, but men have to realize that they are NEEDED in church. Check the Bible, it tells us that men play a very important role. For me, there was a time when I did not know my role, then I spent time running from the role. And now I am at a place where I am trying to embrace the role and do what God would have me to do. I have things to do concerning His will, my wife and my children. It can seem like a lot at times, but God is there to help, if we just let Him and not try to be "The Man."
Blessings.
In my city, Winnipeg, MB. Canada, there are two churches that I know of, maybe more, where the men are attending and becoming a vital part of the ministry. What's our secret? The Word of God.. What do I mean? Too many "programs" that originated outside the church community but has been sanitized and brought into the church and presented as ministries. Let me try to explain - Jesus said, "forgive others so that our Father in Heaven will forgive us." We have brought in programs like "Healing Prayer" where people who refuse to forgive their neighbors, can feel good about themselves. Most lay men I know who are active members of our church would rather read the Bible than books about the Bible. They would rather take a Bible course than a "women's issue" program that has been sanitized and presented in the church as a ministry. In my opinion, and I have been wrong many times before, on the topic of why there are so few men in the church, I would say that some church have brought in too many "Women's Issues" programs and have called them ministries. Some of these programs skirt around the basic Bible teachings like sin and forgiveness which convict us and set us free. They are into feelings, learning to manage our anger and political correctness so that others would not be offended. It is written that the Gospel of the Kingdom is a sweet smelling savor to some and a stench to others. Real men suck it up and deal with it and would attend churches that do the same.
Too many churches do not preach the whole gospel of the Lord Jesus. Served is a popular gospel to please, not offend or not challenge the attendees. Pastors need to dig deep into the Bible to pull the written truth out and serve it to men, like a steak and potato dinner. Pastors must be bold, authoritative and on target with the truths written in the Bible. Draw the men in with Gods word not movies, skits and all the frilly time consuming extras.
Although I can't entirely relate because I have only earnestly attended two Churches (the second I'm still attending) in the past few years, and both are solid in the word, not "sprinkling Jesus here and there" as I heard some Churches do.
From what I've seen though, the main problems is us, not the Church, although the Church does have it's flaws as well. Men (and I speak in general terms for Christians and non-Christians) are often more prideful than women. We want to feel like we have a good handle on life and therefore going to Church can seem unnecessary at times. Men (I have been guilty at times as well) are also often more consumed with the things of this world such as jobs, sports and other entertainment. Jesus tends to get further and further removed from the picture.
With all this said, these situations have still been rather minimal when I go to Church. I think a lot is contributed to the energy and spiritual integrity of the Pastor, and the fact that my Church will welcome anyone who is wanting to know more about God. It also helps that many of the men I have met are Godly men who know their lives are not their own, but the Lord who created them.
I agree that most church men are falling down, I am in a group of men doing a bible study on what christin men should be, we are using a study plan for a group called Mercy Matters, you can find them on line, the other thing I mightrecomend to men is Stu Webers book the Four Pillars of a Man's Heart, great read, GOD needs manly Christ's Gospel founded men to step up to the plate, more than ever before. Are you a Father, Provider, Priest and Warrior, if not wake up GOD needs to tell the world about his salvation through JESUS.
David, 63 y/o Texas
We need men to STOP going to church and start BECOMING the CHURCH. We need pastors to use their influence to draw men into a relationship with Christ by having one themselves. You're right most churches are feminized but we should not be surprised about this at all. If the church were a clothing store and 80% of your customers were female what do you think they should do? You take care of the customers you have.
My point is Men need to step up and begin to take our place in the Body of Christ and as we step in to that place our ladies will step right next to us and fight along side us. Another missing element in the Church are REAL fathers. Luke 15 shows us a father who stood on the porch until his wayward son came back home. We need men with perseverance that will stand and pray until our sons come home and then mentor them and walk life out with them. These fathers need to be transparent me, masters of the fruit of the Spirit, open to Holy Spirit so we can lead this next generation into their proper place in the body of Christ.
Remember “what ever we allow in our life will become a stronghold in the next generation”. Let’s allow Jesus to have our whole heart men and then it can become a stronghold in the next generation for Jesus. Stand for God and stand for your family
"Feminized"? Have you ever read Psalms? Seems to me men aren't in church because in church God and the pastor is in control, not them. Get real.
Dude, in my last church the men thought they were all 'leaders and priests' and they're disgusting to be around. I had to stop going because it was nearing the point of blasphemy! Walking into a worship service where you can't measure up to a holy God and have to repent is a bit too much for most of the men I know. And frankly, if men today wanted to look for some good spiritual advice, for the most part, they'd have to ask the women!
Guess church just doesn't appeal to the male ego enough to make it worthwhile.
This question has nagged me for years. I see it my church, but more disturbingly in myself.
This book explores this issue in depth. If you have interest, you may want to check it out:
http://www.amazon.com/Why-Men-Hate-Going-Church/dp/0785260382
Let's see some sermons about getting rid of the TVs from our homes, getting informed on the political front (of countries around the world), understanding and confronting terrorism, a proper context for aggression/violence (not simply a naive condemnation), and some ministries where men get out into the woods or work with their hands to help others in the Church. Maybe open up the church gym during the week for tough workouts, CrossFit style (check their site).
"No More Christian Nice Guy" is an excellent study for guys disenfranchised by the current trend of the fluffy spiritualism that seems to dominate our sermons.
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