Learning to Talk With My Wife Is Life-Changing

If you're like me, talking about your problems, issues and fears comes about as naturally as shaking hands with your left hand (surprisingly difficult and almost always awkward). I'm the type of guy who likes to work things out on my own. If there's a problem at work, I'm going to figure out how to fix it. If there's a weight on my shoulders, I'm going to bear it without complaint. I don't know why—I think it's one of those guy things about not wanting to seem weak in front of others. Regardless, it's just the way I've always been.

My wife, on the other hand, is the complete opposite. If something bad happened at work, we're going to talk about it. If she's got a worry on her heart, we're going to talk about it. If there's even an issue that might be coming up months down the road, we're going to talk about it and plan for it.

When we first started going out, I had no idea how to handle this. I felt like a nerdy white guy with no moves at a dance party (I know how that feels because I am one). Talk about my problems? Why would anyone want to do that? Let's just deal with them ourselves and talk about happy things.

However, over the years, one of the many things about my wife that I thank the Lord for is this desire to talk about our issues. God did not put us on this earth so we could live by ourselves; He made us relational people for a reason. We are not supposed to deal with everything by ourselves. We are not strong enough, smart enough or wise enough to deal, alone, with everything the world puts us through.

Of course, self-sufficiency is still something I struggle with. Last week I got some challenging news that was pressing on my mind. My natural reaction to this sort of thing is to deal with it, pretend it's not a problem and figure out what to do about it. Of course, for the whole time it's on my mind, I'm going to be grumpy and irritable.

So instead of doing what I was inclined to do, I just told my wife what was going on the first time we talked about it. Everything in me was screaming not to, that she would think of me as weaker. Everything in me was wrong. As always, she was wise, encouraging and sympathetic. After a five-minute conversation, the weight was off my shoulders.

Guys, I'm pretty young and I don't know a lot about marriage, but one thing I do know is that this world is tough, especially right now, and we were not meant to handle everything by ourselves. If you have a wife, share everything you're going through with her as soon as you can. It's one of the most intimate things you can do.

For you single guys, make sure you've got one or two friends in whom you can confide. It doesn't have to be about big things, either. Often I've found that in accountability groups, we talk only about things we think are important enough to share—it can make you feel a little weak to share what's really bothering you if it's not an end-of-the-world type problem. But if anything is on your mind, talk to your brothers about it. You'll be amazed at how freeing it is and how much they will relate to you.