American culture has gone out of control with sex. In one generation we went from Leave it to Beaver to Sex in the City! This insatiable desire for the provocative has lead our culture into a tidal wave of sexuality that is directly opposed to God--and to common sense.

The sad news is that many Christ-loving men have been taught by our culture about sex and are now becoming part of what I term the "my sex" movement. Central to this movement is the belief that your sex belongs to you and that you alone make the decisions as to whether you share it with someone else or indulge in self-sex and pornography. What a lie!

Dear Dr. Doug, I am single, waiting for my Eve, with no prospects in sight. Last night at a church singles party it was all I could do not to just stare at breasts. I enjoy the female figure and there were some awesome ones there. What do guys like me do? I love God with all my heart. I don't think it would be that much easier even if I had a girlfriend.

Where is the best place to have sex? Research reveals an unlikely answer. Sex is most satisfying, both physically and emotionally, when confined to the safe harbor of marriage.

The most authoritative research ever done on sexuality in America was conducted a few years ago at the University of Chicago. This study, the National Health and Social Life Survey (NHSLS), came to an interesting conclusion: "The public image of sex in America bears virtually no relationship to the truth." In fact, the study explains, "In real life, the unheralded, seldom discussed world of married sex is actually the one that satisfies people the most."

Imagine Robin Williams in a manic appearance on Late Show with David Letterman. Now imagine his crazy energy focused on a singular topic, instead of the sampler platter of conversation that Williams usually totes with him. Now imagine that energy tempered by the cool intellectualism-but none of the fustiness-of David Hyde-Pierce (a.k.a. Niles Crane from Frasier). Now imagine that he speaks with the spiritual directness of the Apostle Paul.

Got it? Now, one more thing: Add some fashionable glasses.

This is a pretty good picture of Dr. Emerson Eggerichs as he stalks the sanctuary stage of a Southern Baptist church in Oklahoma City, energetically delivering a lecture he's given many times before … and getting a reaction he's also gotten many times before.

A small classroom on the campus of Calvary Assembly of God in Winter Park, Fla. is the place. John Westcott leads a group of 15 men in worship without a microphone or speakers. They sing: "This is my desire ... to honor You." Westcott stands with hands raised, his lips moving silently and his eyes closed while a few other latecomers slip in and join the singing.

Question: From what women tell you, what are the top 10 things I should try that seem to be most pleasing sexually to a woman? Don't give me the typical answers that we've all heard forever like, "Be nice to her all day long" or "Cuddle more." C'mon, I want specifics!

Question: My wife doesn't always have an orgasm when we have intercourse. I ask her to tell me where to go and what to do, but she doesn't seem to know. How can I be more effective as a lover if I don't get any direction? Why don't women know what works and what doesn't, and why does it seem to vary from time to time? Women are just WAY too complicated!

Question: How can I let my wife know that I like it when SHE gets things going? It gets a little tiring to have to light the fire every time.

Question: Is it normal for a woman to regularly experience pain during lovemaking? This has always been an issue for my wife, and it makes her very hesitant to be with me. Got any suggestions?

Question: How concerned should I be if I start to think about other women while my wife and I are having sex?

Question: Help! I've been married for 10 years and still have a problem with premature ejaculation. Is there any way to prevent this without thinking about my late Aunt Ethel or imagining myself being castrated by a Mongolian camel herder?

Question: Sometimes I want sex with my wife because I'm seeking pleasure, not romance. I feel guilty. Should I?

Question: My wife and I have 4 children, and neither of us wants to have surgery. Is there a "safe age" to stop using condoms?

Answer: Many men have erroneous fears about the surgery to their private area. The visions of the doctor slipping and ending their sex life flash through many men's minds.

They may also believe that sex won't be as great after the surgery. None of these are true.

For you, it's an outpatient surgery and you can go right back to work that same day. If you don't want that surgery and you keep using condoms, you must be aware that they are not foolproof. I heard one sex educator state that they are about 70 percent effective.

Question: My sex drive is usually in high gear. How do I ask my wife for sex without sounding, well, desperate?

Answer: This is a very common feeling among men. We have great biological pressure to have sex regularly.

But a woman's sex drive motivates her differently. It sparks her to desire communion in an emotional and spiritual dimension with her man.

When I want to see the most beautiful woman, all I have to do is close my eyes… and there she is. Light dances in her eyes like the dazzling facets on a spinning mirror ball. As light and shadows caress her skin they reveal a form of bodily loveliness more compelling than any figure shaped by the greatest sculptor. As I contemplate her in my heart, I want to see her, touch her, smell her. She’s perfect. She’s my wife.

Unless you’ve been on the International Space Station for the past several years, you’ve heard about Viagra, the wonder drug designed to prevent impotency. In addition to making a nifty profit for its inventors, Viagra’s billions in sales have made at least two thing clear: (1) Men deeply desire to perform well sexually with their partner. (2) More men than you’d think have problems in this area—especially as they grow older. 

The old saying goes that 95 percent of men have masturbated, and the 5 percent who say they haven't are lying. That covers just about all of us. So, how should men deal with this tricky subject? Dr. Doug Rosenau, an Atlanta sex therapist and author of A Celebration of Sex (Nelson), believes Christians can arrive at a biblical understanding by avoiding pharisaical reactions and humbly addressing the tough questions.

As he steps into my office I cannot help noticing the stylish cut of his suit, his monogrammed shirt and his expensive shoes. He is a man familiar with success, well respected by both his family and colleagues. But neither his designer clothes nor his pseudo-confidence can totally mask the misery eating at his soul.

You see, the gift of your wife is that she can multi-task on so many levels. It's tremendous! If your wife went away for a few days and you actually had to walk in her shoes (cook meals, help your kids with homework, take them to all of their activities, pick up the house), after a few days, you would probably begin to fall apart. Her ability to juggle tasks is God-given. That's the good news.

If America is to survive (remember that even the great Roman Empire fell), a force of "new men" needs to emerge in this millennium. The need for change is underscored as large numbers of men-Christian leader among them-are being exposed for their sexual harassment of women and children, adultery and addiction to pornography and perversion.

Born, raised and saved in a Baptist family, I dreamed of the day I could write Christian literature and teach big Sunday school classes. In 1963, I married Gloria, a beautiful young woman completely devoted to God and me. By 1970, we had two children and I was enrolled in a Christian college to study journalism and Bible. Besides my school load, I worked almost full time while packing into my schedule as much outreach as possible.

As I trotted onto the field for the first day of 7th-grade football practice, I had a feeling it as not all it had been cracked up to be. The helmet issued to me had humps over each of my ears because my body had not quite caught up to the growth of my head. My dad stood off behind the practice field watching as my teammates laughed at what appeared to be the strangest helmet anyone had ever seen. The problem was that it was planted on my head. Chewing nervously on my mouthpiece, I caught a glimpse of Dad, who appeared to be standing 10 miles away. I remember the thoughts crossing my mind: Did he ever go through this? Did he get picked on, laughed at, made a fool of? Did his helmet ever look like mine?

If men and women were created to be compatible sexually, why do we have so many sex problems in marriage today? After working for 20 years as sexual therapists, the answer to that question becomes clearer to us each day. The enemy of our souls will do whatever he can to distort sex and rob the beauty from it. He knows that a God-breathed view of sex is a threat to his domain. One thing is clear: to understand and experience sex as God intended can reveal amazing clues about spiritual truth. And the converse is true: to understand spiritual truth will send the sexual relationship into orbit. But few people enjoy out-of-this-world sex. Why? Because few men understand what it means to love their wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. Ephesians 5 reads, "Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church?a love marked by giving, not getting" (The Message, emphasis ours.)

As I travel around the country doing conferences, I frequently ask men, "How many of you have had more than a three-minute sex talk with your dads?" Usually, about 3 percent of the men in the audience raise their hands. That means more than 97 percent of men in the church were not told much, if anything at all, about sex! That's too bad, because we live in tempting times. Young men today will see as many as 15-17 sexual innuendoes per hour on prime-time television--with more than 100 channels to choose from. Then there's the Internet, which is like being wired to the world's largest porn shop.

I can't see much detail, but it doesn't really matter. It's the thought that counts. Every guy that's ever passed a billboard with one of those girls on it will have a hard time forgetting them. For the Hooters girls are proof that Satan works feverishly not just to tempt our eyes but to infiltrate and control our imaginations. The real temptation of the Hooters girls is not that they wear tight clothes. Think about it. We can see provocatively dressed women (and more of them) almost anywhere...at the movies, on television, and even at church on Sunday mornings. No, the hook is that these girls openly desire to be our fantasy. They wanted to be Hooters girls. There is no doubt that they understand the minds of men and are willing participants in the fantasy.

The battle for sexual integrity demands constant vigilance. It's a wrestling match with Satan, and any time you let your guard down, you get body-slammed. Our society so bombards us with sex. With our male fascination for visual stimulation and our often-adolescent mind-sets, this is very disconcerting. It is easy to empathize with the early church father, Origen, who made himself a eunuch in a desperate step to achieve greater purity. But, God has also given us a wonderful gift in being sexually alive with exciting potential for deep, passionate intimacy. The following are practical skills, actually disciplines, men need to practice as they grow up into sexual maturity and intimacy. "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline" (2 Tim. 1:7, NIV).

It began when a lady sat down at my table in the concierge lounge of the Marriott Hotel in Anaheim, Calif. "Are you going to talk about sex sins in your men's meeting tonight?" she asked. "I'm not sure. Why?" "Because my husband, who is a minister at this conference, just served me with divorce papers." Ensuing conversation made me aware he was hooked on Internet pornography. Shortly after that, another pastor's wife asked me to talk with her husband about his cyber-porn addiction. I became curious after those ladies told me about their husbands. I typed the word "adult" into a search engine, which turned up a glut of sites featuring porn. The pictures I saw when I clicked on one of the links were "hard core." I immediately turned off the computer and spent the next few hours at the beach reading my Bible and meditating.

While helping men in the last 15 years to become sexually successful, I have found that there are four major barriers that keep them from having the best sex of their lives. If one of these barriers is keeping you from sexual success, you can identify it now and begin moving forward. 1. Sexual Addiction. By far this is the leading barrier that keeps men from having the best sex of their lives. Someone who repeatedly has self-sex (masturbation), which usually involves fantasy and pornography, splits his neuropathic (chemical) reward in his brain between reality and unreality. This keeps him less satisfied with the sex that he is experiencing with his wife. This also conditions him to practice disconnected sex with his wife. Sexual addiction can be dealt with through support groups, accountability and sometimes therapy. Whatever you do, don't try to go it alone; you can't remove this barrier on your own.

The Bible says that we can deduce much about the nature of God by studying aspects of His creation, and in that vein I think the study of sex leads us to the inescapable conclusion that God is nice. Our enjoyment of a toe-curling, body-shuddering orgasm is not something that would have been dreamed up by a mean deity. God did not have to make sex a wonderful and fulfilling experience in order to propagate the human race. Because He is all-powerful, God could have arranged for us to experience an involuntary episode of cellular division. You would be sitting in a business meeting, or mowing the lawn, or changing the oil in your Chevy, and you would start to stretch like Gumby and--presto--there would be two of you. Or, God could have programmed you to periodically emit a little pinecone that would take root and hatch a new human. Or, God could have made it painful to not reproduce, perhaps by making you watch nonstop reruns of Tidy Bowl commercials until you agreed to have a child.