NM: Is there a theology we can draw from when discussing masturbation?

 

Rosenau: Christ scolded the Pharisees because they were quick to put regulations on behaviors, but never got the practical, theological heart of issues. We Christians often do the same thing. Simply banning behaviors doesn’t work (Col. 2:23). We need to create a theology that addresses masturbation.

 

NM: What, if anything, does the Bible say about it?

 

Rosenau: It’s true that the Bible has no direct commands against masturbation. Some wrongly use the story of Onan “spilling his seed” on the ground in Genesis 38. This has nothing to do with masturbation but, rather, with Onan’s failure to be obedient to God.

 

Scripture does not directly address all areas of life and behaviors. We create our theology by applying key principles that God has given. The bottom-line principle in any sexual theology must be God’s ultimate purpose for creating gender and romantic sexuality: these things reveal God to us.

 

NM: How does this apply to masturbation?

 

Rosenau: God designed romance and erotic arousal to be deeply connecting, including all three dimensions of our person—body, soul and spirit. Ultimate sexual fulfillment is the one-flesh, intimate relationship of marriage. Masturbation will always fall short because it’s a self-centered exercise. The most it can be is a shadow of the joyful connecting that can take place only in marriage.

 

NM: What advice would you give to a single man who looks at masturbation as his only form of sexual release?

 

Rosenau: Romans 14 tells us to humbly search through our own behaviors and attitudes before the Lord. For some men, they will believe there is never a context for masturbation, and others will see it as a legitimate form of sexual fulfillment. If the single man has honestly and prayerfully thought through his convictions, then obsessive guilt around masturbation is frankly not very productive. First Corinthians 6:12 is also a great passage for the single man: “‘Everything is permissible for me’—but I will not be mastered by anything” (NIV).

 

NM: Do you think the guilt men feel over masturbation is a healthy, necessary guilt? Or does it relate more to the negative connotations the church has attached to the subject over the years?

 

Rosenau: God does use righteous guilt to convict us about wrong behaviors and attitudes. For most married men and those struggling with sexual addiction, there may be healthy guilt attached to masturbation. In sexual addiction, men use masturbation to create their own private world of false intimacy, and this is wrong.

 

But, overall, I think the guilt surrounding masturbation, especially that felt during the teen-age years, is more the unhealthy kind that haunts people because parents and the church cannot openly dialogue about sexual issues. I remember the relief I felt in my teen years when my dad talked to me about masturbation and explained to me that is was a part of growing up and to not worry about it. That understanding helped free me up to focus on enjoying my friends and other activities.

 

NM: What about the role of fantasy in masturbation? Is this godly?

 

Rosenau: Let’s be honest, our most powerful sexual organ is our minds. Masturbation is usually accompanied by fantasy, and this certainly must be deal with in our theology. Fantasy becomes sinful lust when we start mentally disrobing or visualizing people in sexual activity. However, I think there is healthy fantasy, which isn’t lust, as every married man could testify about his memories and images of his wife and past or future lovemaking with her.

 

NM: What would you say to the man who sees masturbation as wrong for himself but can’t stop?

 

Rosenau: Let him analyze the need he is meeting through masturbation. Is he looking for intimacy? Is he masking some inner pain? He should then ask God to help him find healthy, more appropriate ways to meet these needs. He also should share his struggle with a men’s group or a close friend. Being accountable to someone is crucial in changing habits and attitudes. It is also important to stop feeding the lust with television or other environmental stimuli that he can control.