Answer: It's true that many wives don't have orgasms each time their husbands do. Many men find this odd, but the simple truth is that women are different sexually than men. For women, having an orgasm isn't what sex is all about. Feeling close, wanted and appreciated constitutes great sex. A woman considers you a great lover if you are a great sexual nurturer.

 

She doesn't have to scream every time you have sex. Some husbands have sexual expectations for their wives that are based on fantasy (i.e., pornography). If you want to explore sexually with your wife, ask permission and gain feedback, but, as you said, what works tonight may not work next week. That's the joyful journey of marital sexuality.

 

Imagine that you're on vacation and you don't know exactly where it is that you want to go. You're not going to stop and ask for directions are you? Of course not! You're going to go on a creative exploration of the territory. Sex can be like that. Sometimes, exploring together takes you places that "directions" can't. So, my encouragement to you and your wife is to enjoy the journey.

 

By Doug Weiss, Ph.D., founder of Heart to Heart Counseling Center and author of The Seven Love Agreements, which explains the power of unity in marriage and outlines seven “love agreements” that will revitalize relationships (available at strangdirect.com). Contact him at drdougweiss.com, info@drdougweiss.com or 5080 Mark Dabling Blvd., Colorado Springs, CO 80918. Visit his Web site at intimatematters.com.