Question: My wife has gained quite a bit of weight since our marriage, and I can't deny the fact that it affects me. It is difficult to talk about because she is very sensitive about it. Do you have any advice?

 

Answer: You may not realize that the true problem is not your wife's weight. If you are still fantasizing about young women with hard bodies, you're reinforcing an image that your wife can't compete with. Or, if during sex your eyes are closed or, worse, you're thinking of other women, then your unrealistic expectations are the problem, not your wife's weight.

 

Try this: When making love to your wife, keep your eyes open. Even while you're having an orgasm, keep looking into her eyes. You will train your brain to connect to her spirit and soul, not just her body, during sex. Your issues with her body will reduce.

 

If you're concerned about her health, start going for walks together. Also, talk as a family about your health concerns. Tell her that you're struggling and you don't want sweets around the house for a while. That'll be good for both of you. If she has serious health problems, a caring doctor will be more heard than a loving husband.

 

By Doug Weiss, Ph.D., founder of Heart to Heart Counseling Center and author of The Seven Love Agreements, which explains the power of unity in marriage and outlines seven “love agreements” that will revitalize relationships (available at strangdirect.com). Contact him at drdougweiss.com, info@drdougweiss.com or 5080 Mark Dabling Blvd., Colorado Springs, CO 80918. Visit his Web site at intimatematters.com.